Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication Concepts, Skills and Contexts

[BeHea1thy]

This is a college textbook, written by Kathleen Verderber and Erina MacGeorge. 14th ed. New York, Oxford University Press, 2016.

While I don't expect anyone to rush out and get this, I wanted to share specific skill building exercises in it because they have helped me during the last 4 months of classes. Over time, I'll be posting various Skill Acquisition Steps and my own Communication Improvement plans that were successful.

When I started this course and saw these exercises, I rolled my eyes and thought it was a huge waste of time. Now, after being forced to do these and report on the outcome, I'm a believer! Here's one I've used.

The general format is:
a heading word or phrase to name the "skill builder"
a definition of the skill itself
use
steps to complete it
an example showing its use

Skill Builder: REQUESTING A CHANGE IN PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR

Skill: Showing others how to respect your rights or expectations
Use: To produce a change in behavior that fails to respect your rights or reasonable expectations
Steps:
1. Politely, but directly describe what you want the other person to do.
2; Do facework.
3. Describe how the behavior violates your rights and expectations
4. When possible, offer an alternative to your partner's unacceptable behavior, which meets their needs while not violating your rights and expectatons
5. Assume that your partners will comply with the personal request and thank them.

Example: Rahm, don't criticize me in front of your children. If you don't agree with what I am doing, please tell me later when we can talk it out. I know you don't mean to undermine my authority, but when you interrupt and contradict what I have said, that what happens. It's hard to be a stepparent, but I think it's important for both sets of kids to see us as a team. I know you understand. Thanks, honey. 

I offer this for consideration only. You don't have to agree or even visualize using it with anyone. Each situation is unque along with peculiarities of personality and context. On the face of it, it might be hokey or naive. But after initial resistance was pvercome, I found myself benefiting in unexpected ways from assertive statements to others which didn't begin with the word "YOU".

[Not Alone]

Thank you for taking the time to share this. I look forward to seeing the future posts on other skills that you've learned.