Motivation?

[goblinchild]

Maybe this belongs in one of the six major symptoms categories? I wasn't sure.

I'm worried that all my motivation may actually be coming from my family. Not as in they're encouraging but maybe all of my drive is really just survival or anger or both? Anger is probably where most of my drive comes from.

Often, I'll be depressed and in a state of not really doing or caring about anything and the major force that gets me up and running again is that some catastrophic drama is happening in the family, and suddenly I have a fire lit under me to get away or continue whatever I'm working on because I feel like I want to prove I can be better. I've only ever half-heartedly been able to pull myself back up without interference, and even then I don't feel like I accomplish much. It's like I still mope around except I'm trying a little bit to have a lighter mood. Maybe instead of no motivation I have like 15% motivation.

I'm worried that if I can finally get away from everyone I'll just be a big, lazy, depressed mope all the time. Is this a thing for anyone else?

[Blueberry]

I used to worry about that too, goblinchild, but I now notice I can motivate myself without anger. Bit by bit it's becoming more frequent. I hope the same works out for you too, in time.

[Jazzy]

Well, it can be tough for sure. But its something to work on, and they say such things get easier the more you do them. All we can really do is our best, and keep on trying. Take care!