Commiserate with me about covert narcissists?

[goblinchild]

I intend to do more research myself, but if there is anyone else who could commiserate with me or tell me if they feel the same way I do, I would appreciate that kind of feedback right now.

I'm still on the fence about whether my mother is a covert narcissist or just maybe codependent and manipulative. I had an a-ha moment a minute ago (I've been having lots of those lately) about how I always feel ...just bad around her. And also her parents. I don't feel that way around other people (outside of instances where I'm triggered, but at least I know I'm being triggered) but with family I feel like a harbinger of negativity and judgement. I feel shrill and hateful, because that's the way I seem to effect them. (and I'm pretty sure that's not completely normal, btw? Like maybe my sense of self could be a bit less ....effected by how people react to me? Thoughts?) I feel like I'm always having to express "Hey, please don't step on my foot!" to people who don't want to believe they do, ever, step on anyone's feet and how dare I think or say such an accusation?

But like, I don't know maybe I'm way off base or maybe I'm just angry, but it strikes me what a black and white situation that is, right? My mother is such a "Mother Theresa" mayter-y person. In her mind, she's a Good Person and a Mother. Totally selfless. When she does bad things, total accidents! She always has the best of intentions and probably also poots rainbows. (Selfless rainbows. For others. Probably children. ) She just kind of walks through life never seeing her own fault in anything, maybe feeling like a harbinger of ....jeez I don't know.. motherly kindness and selflessness? And I'm walking through life, at least when I'm around them, feeling like a harbinger of awful, mean antagonizing stuff.

Does this happen every time someone has this sort of ego thing? Could she maybe just suck my soul out through a bendy straw or something? I feel like that would be more efficient. I don't think she's on-purpose making me feel bad to make herself feel good but....actually I had a point but maybe I'm wrong and that does kind of seem to be what's going on here doesn't it? She doesn't want to feel bad, so she makes me feel bad. And then pretends to be "empathetic" or whatever to make herself feel good. She's totally making me feel bad to feel good isn't she?   

[Gromit]

 She's totally making me feel bad to feel good isn't she?   

That is what they do. Whilst you are busy trying to work out why it triggers such a reaction in you they get away with things you miss.

I like the image of people stepping on your foot, it explains it so well. They literally cannot feel your foot beneath theirs, it feels so much like the ground, it has been flattened so much. And yet, other people see and feel your foot there and are apologetic if they so much as touch it.
G