Tired of the struggle

[Not Alone]

Today I washed windows---downstairs. Got some done, felt overwhelmed, had lunch, washed more. Now feel like I have hit a wall and am feeling overwhelmed again. Why can't I just do a task, finish it, do more tasks, then enjoy the day. It is a beautiful day and instead of being out enjoying it, I am under my weighted blanket and I feel guilty for wasting the day. I just want to be a normal person! My T said, "Your wounds are invisible to most people, but it doesn't make them any less disruptive or exhausting to live with." That helps some with the guilt. Tired of this unseen burden. 

Will do some meditation.

[Snowdrop]

I understand. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, though. Washing windows is an achievement.

[Tee]

  I hear you and feel the same sending hugs

[Not Alone]

I finished the windows upstairs. Less thorough job then downstairs, but that's okay. I did take a walk. Doing okay, but need to focus on kindness. Easy to be self-condemning.

To self: You did great to get your windows cleaned. That was a big job and it is okay that the rest of the house didn't get done. You did clean the dishes and vacuum two rooms. It is okay that you didn't clean the upstairs windows as thoroughly as the others. You even got out for a walk. It is okay that you said "no thank-you" to going out with your husband tonight. It feels like too much to get cleaned up and dressed and then be in public. That is hard right now and it is okay for you to take care of yourself in that way. You are not being a bad wife. You are going through a lot right now. Be kind to yourself.

I can't say those messages are going from the keyboard to my heart, but it's a step.

Snowdrop & Tee, thank you for your hugs and affirmation.

[Blueberry]

 

[Jazzy]

I hope you feel better soon, and can start to connect these messages to your heart.  Take care!