Pre cptsd

[Rainagain]

I'm thinking it might help for people to state what they were like before cptsd arrived.

I used to post on here with Ah who couldn't imagine a life before cptsd as Ah had never had a life before it.

I suspect Ah is no more, I miss Ah.

I was outgoing, confident, capable, somewhat successful.

Now I am miles away from those things.

For those who feel rejected by the world, it's the cptsd and not you.

[Blueberry]

I'm thinking it might help for people to state what they were like before cptsd arrived.
I was outgoing, confident, capable, somewhat successful.
Now I am miles away from those things.

 
Maybe a tiny little bit of those positive states might come back now that you have been given some validation? It's possible. A certain amount of healing can come with time. I wish you all the best here anyway. I know you are writing here on the Adult board so maybe some other mbrs traumatised first as adults will respond here.

I miss ah too, but I remember from what she wrote that it sounded as if she might not be around for ever Maybe she has found some degree of peace now. I hope so for her sake.

[jamesG.1]

Positive, sensitive, giving and hopeful. Fiercely creative.

It's still there. I get flashes of it a lot more now. Totally will NOT accept this as the new normal, it will likely always be there, but I'll fight with everything I have to normalise and recover my old self.

[SharpAndBlunt]

For me inquisitive, hopeful, joyful, funny (I was told), witty, pleasant and clear headed.

I've lost a lot of it. My cptsd started in childhood but really took off around adolescence. From there I lost a lot of what made me, me.

Since then, it's been a search. Like Blueberry and JamesG said, tiny little bits come back to me in flashes. More since I've learned about cptsd and started healing, but not enough as I'd wish.

The flashes of the old me are often as well painful. Because it feels like shining a light on how much I've lost and for how long. I'm finding out that accepting this lost time will have to be a big battle for me on the road to recovery.

The clear headedness is what I miss the most. I feel like days are spent in a fog now that extends to weeks, months, years. I miss the simple pleasures like joining in the fun, feeling good watching a movie, really enjoying a good book.

[woodsgnome]

I find this topic intriguing,so I began to respond with some thoughts, but that first post ended up a bit on the rambly side so here's my condensed version.

I guess the bulk of what I had to say is quite simple -- as I've had cptsd and its symptoms influencing my entire childhood, followed by a good chunk of the adult years being influenced by its aftershocks, I really can't find clarity on what I may have been like pre-cptsd.

Eventually I found ways to live that involved creativity,  compassion, empathy, and service -- so maybe that reflects whatever 'pre'-cptsd factors I might have had.

One author (James Hillman) calls these uncovered traits "The Soul's Code", so maybe that's it.  He strongly suggests that 'the soul's code' can overcome lots of negative factors, so I rather like that possibility.

Maybe that's alright, to have the 'old' me so messed up that anything I've done since is like living an entirely new existence.  If only I didn't have the deep shadows, though. Feels like they still significantly drag me down.

Nonetheless, while I regard my start to life rather like having lived from within a horror movie, perhaps the flip side of that is that I'm in a new 'movie' now and I'm in charge of the new script.