Trying to Figure out the New Normal...

[therainasitfalls]

Hey OOTS members,


First post here - just looking to figure out how to best figure out how to find a way to create a new normal in my life after going limited contact from my nuclear family system. Been living out of the house for about a year or so - and it's honestly been one of the hardest years of my entire life. I feel like the awakened consciousness I have now about the very actual limitations of the people I used to call my family is beyond heartbreaking. I have internalized the accumulated toxic shame of decades of projected pain - and some days are easier than others, but there are moments I am just so tired I can't move. Does anyone have any recommendations for grounding techniques or figuring out how to best center oneself during the holidays/special moments during the first couple of  - and want to sit in a ball for a year to just come to terms with what has been one of the most painful of childhoods.

[Not Alone]

Welcome to the forum. 

I'm sorry you've had such a horrible year. No wonder you feel so tired that you can't move.

For grounding, be aware of your body; feet on floor, feeling of chair/bed/floor supporting your body. Aware of senses: 5/4/3/2/1; 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. Many variations on this. Be as detailed as you can. For example, I see my computer mouse, it is aqua and black, the rolling thing has ridges, etc. I often get a cup of coffee and focus on all the senses. Hope this helps a little. Again, welcome.

[Jazzy]

Hi therainitfalls,

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you've had such a tough year, and a tough history leading up to it. Holidays are a tricky thing for me still, and I'm sure many others too. One thing that helps me is to make it a point to complete the traditions and parts of the holiday that I think are worthwhile. It can be really tough at the time when you're alone, but if nothing else, it helps build the sense that you are worth it, even if you don't have family around, and it is something nice to look back on.

Take care!