Emotion dealing and self love

[Boatsetsailrose]

I'm becoming so aware that dealing with emotion when it comes to how I let others affect me is such a core problem with me.
Today a friend was talking a lot I just couldn't deal with it...
I could have said 'I'm not v good at listening right now' but it felt like a squeek and I couldn't get the words out.. So I just sat there in resentment and then went into a big drama inside myself...
I'm also really seeing just how hard it is for me to access self love and acceptance.. Loving words towards myself... Its like I know I need to do this to develop in so many areas of my development but its like trting to build a muscle that is so small and weak its almost redundant....
Thoughts experiences appreciated

[Sunflower_Rising]

Hi, Boatsetsailrose. I can really relate. I have trouble saying no in any form, and my internal critic is 90% of my unnecessary thinking. I'm just starting out, so most of my progress is in how I feel on the rare occasions that I stand up for myself (internally or externally) rather than how often I do. It's a process.

I'm seeing the most benefit from internally responding to criticizing and "disaster-cizing" thoughts. I have a lot of these, so there's plenty of opportunity to practice. After I notice a thought, I think things like, "No, FOO, you don't get to hurt me anymore. I'm not any of the things you said I was. I deserve to be treated with love and respect" or "No, you don't have permission to scare me anymore, FOO. I'm an adult and I can handle myself. Things won't always go right, but I'm perfectly capable of dealing with it." (Not verbatim, but you get the idea.) There's generally some reasonable and legitimate anger, too, and it feels good to "fight back." Unity is strength, and this helps me to be more united with myself rather than being my own worst enemy. I feel much better afterward and more powerful, and I can see it leading to more powerful external responses with some practice.

Not sure if that's what you meant, but I hope that's useful to you somehow.

Sunny

[Snookiebookie2]

Hi Boats

I just wanted to echo what you said.  I totally relate to what you said. I can get triggered by how others are are acting,  and especially by my internal dialogue as to how I should be reacting to them.

I find self love and acceptance very hard too. I don't think that I've been treated with much compassion or love, so find the concept  hard to practice.   It feels so alien to me.  I'm trying to use the word "gentle" instead.   Try to be gentle to yourself in situations such as these.   

Also its good that you are self aware of what triggered you, what processes were going on. You've also realised what you'd like to change in yourself.   I think this self awareness can be very positive, especially  if you can bring in some gentle-ness.

Hope that is of some help.

Sending you hugs x