My Mind

[Aphotic]

I suddenly remembered this song/poem I made a few years ago. It vaguely sums up a portion of trauma... Specifically how closed off one becomes when the people who are supposed to care for you will hurt you...
It's the social interaction of my childhood in a way.

I just feel so angry how I couldn't express myself for 18 years.. but reading my own vent helps in a weird way to process it.

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Twining, twisting and inviting,
A stream of conscious lining,
Wrapping round the void of mad eternity.
White snow, covering the wild glow,
A consequence of mild flow,
Distracted by the lines and shapes of circuitry.

Climbing, whispering the lightning,
An irony in timing,
Clinging to the only thing that's left inside.
I know this seems insane but although,
My mind is not a play show,
Keeping thoughts of lone but happy entity.

Curving, rearranging, learning,
Convoluted swerving,
Curling round the strands of sweet serenity.
Black crow, singing like my mind though,
Fly by farms of night woe,
Cursing and ensuring the uncertainty.

Crying, horrifying lying,
A mix of falsifying,
A book of wrong and horrid self insurgency.
I know this seems insane but although,
My mind is not a play show,
Keeping thoughts of lone but happy entity.

Waiting here goes uneasy,
Just anxious and unruly,
I know it's the paranoia seeping in.
Claustrophobia's not one threat to me,
But we know it won't matter,
Cause my mind is always closed.

Just here, yes you have,
Just a snippet of my luxury, my home,
My sanctuary peace dome.
But how can I control, Something half in my possession,
But we know, It won't hurt me,
Cause my mind is always closed.

Hearing you, I regret,
Just mistakes I cannot run from, I know,
It's unlucky, just stupidity.
Hyperopia, I can't see quite the obvious,
But we know it won't matter,
Cause my mind is always closed.

Quiet and sweet, from the out,
Just a mask over my truth and my soul,
My secret, my hidden goal,
But how can I control, Something half in my possession,
But we know, it won't hurt me,
Cause my mind is always closed