Fell down the stairs TW

[Not Alone]

Need to process here.

Fifteen minutes ago I fell down two stairs. I was cleaning floors, slipped and went down two stairs on my back. I initially lay/sat on the floor waiting for the pain to subside and trying to catch my breath. Being physically hurt is triggering to me. While on the floor I'm thinking, "Why isn't anyone checking on me?" (two adult children home) I know I verbalized some "pain noise," although not to the extent that I was hurting. After a bit my daughter asked if I was okay. I told her no, I fell down the stairs. She came in. At that point I was standing up. Lifted up my shirt--back red and scrapped. She said something--oh my--maybe.

As I said, being hurt is triggering.  TW..................I have never been beaten, but have been violently sexually violated. So the trigger of pain. --------------------end TW

I finished cleaning the floors. That is something to consider. Ignore the hurt, do what I "need" to do.

Those couple of minutes (felt longer) that I was on the floor, wondering why no one was checking on me, triggering for being abused and it not being seen (or being ignored). My therapist has said that I couldn't possibly have acted/looked/behaved okay after ______. There were people who should have seen and noticed.

My back looked really red at first. I looked at it again before writing this and the redness was diminishing. This is mixed up with a couple of things. Proof that I was really hurt. I'm not making it up. If injury can be seen, validation.

(I want to let you dear, caring people know that my injuries are minor. My back didn't go out, just scrapes and probably bruises.)

Emotionally, feel a bit like I'm sinking.

[Snowdrop]

I'm so sorry you were hurt, notalone. I completely understand the hurt being triggering, and I can imagine it was a shock too. You're not making it up at all.

Are there things you can do that would help you emotionally? Cup of tea? Cosy blanket?

Sending you a very gentle, healing hug if that feels safe .

[Bach]

Notalone, dear, I'm so sorry you hurt yourself and it sent you to that bad place.  I have had similar experiences, and I understand how painful and frightening it is when your child mind is devastated by something your adult mind knows should not be that big a deal.  I'm glad your physical injuries aren't serious.  I hope you feel better soon 

[Three Roses]

So sorry! I totally understand how pain is triggering. 

[Blueberry]

Dear notalone,

I'm so sorry you fell and hurt yourself physically and emotionally. Also that nobody bothered to check on you immediately in the here and now. I can imagine that being triggering, as a repeat from what you know so well from your childhood.

It's true, you were really hurt in your childhood, as you were today falling down the stairs. Just way worse in your childhood but the validation was today.

I agree with Snowdrop - is there any kind of soothing comfort you can give yourself now? Or maybe also give your younger self from then (if it's not too overwhelming)? Either might help you not sink so far emotionally.

Some gentle  if they feel safe.

[Kizzie]

Ouch notalone, if your back was red you really thumped yourself! I'm not surprized that the fall and no-one coming to check on you triggered you. That raw pain/fear/sense of abandonment/of not being loved and cared for we faced as children just runs so deep. 

I hope knowing we're sending care and hugs helps

[Aphotic]

I'm really sorry to hear that but I'm glad you're okay.
It's terrible that physical pain can in turn cause so much mental pain as well.

[Three Roses]

Checking in to see how you're feeling - is there swelling, is it painful or tender? I'm imagining and visualizing soothing, comforting things for you like a cool washcloth or a heating pad, some soothing tea, propping you up on the sofa with some comfy pillows and a nice fluffy quilt. I hope you're feeling better today. 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind, compassionate, empathetic replies. It really helps to not be alone with all these deep, complex thoughts and feelings. The good news is that I did not fall far into the rabbit hole (i.e. even though triggered, did not end up in an EF.) I am bruised and sore today, but am okay.

I so appreciate all of you. 

[Kizzie]

 

[Bach]

Glad to hear you're okay, notalone 

[bookworm37]

I completely understand the feelings of not being validated - unless there is "physical proof" of something happening to you - and the panic of not being protected or cared for by those whom you love. I empathize and your emotions are valid and tangible.

For me, it is helpful to remember that I am the adult now, and I have the ability to care for myself where others failed me in the past. This type of thinking and mindfulness works for me, we each must find our own methods of coping that work for us.

Warmth and safety to you 

[Not Alone]

Bookworm,
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words.