Hi

[OceanStar]

So... Im new to all this.
Just begining to wonder if it's possible to unravel my past without my present  world falling apart.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum! 

[Snowdrop]

Hi OceanStar!

[OceanStar]

Thank you blueberry and snowdrop.

Feeling unsure about how to begin. Sharing things is a real challenge. I thought being anonymous might help. Turns out I feel just as stuck as when I'm with people.

[woodsgnome]

I understand your hesitation Ocean Star. Even anonymously, it still feels like a risk to step into into a place you're unfamiliar with. All journeys begin with a single step, even if it's done carefully.

One thing about being here is that those who visit and post here have often been devastated by too many judgemental and preachy sorts of people. Those traits are something I've rarely encountered here. In other words, it's safe to be here -- for some it's like a haven in that regard.

Something else that's been shared by many here is how freeing it feels to take the risk of writing some, or a lot, about their situations. There seems to be at least a slight cleansing effect in feeling free to do this. And at one's own pace, including some who just read the info and posts here about their concerns, or actually posting when and wherever they feel okay to do so.

That said, I hope you're okay with this welcome --  -- to Out of the Storm.

[Blueberry]

Just begining to wonder if it's possible to unravel my past without my present  world falling apart.

I wasn't sure whether to address this or not. I'm also not sure if the fact I didn't affected your feelings for this place. Probably not of course.

In my experience it might be possible to unravel your past without the present falling apart if you go slowly, step by step, feeling what you need rather than feeling that you should heal faster  Needless to say I often didn't take the slow, step by step route.... It sounds though as if you're aware of your own hesitancy and aware of what you need. So I mean it can be beneficial to see the positive in that.

[OceanStar]

Thank you woodsgnome and blueberry for your messages.

I struggle with being able to explain anything that is going on in my head relating to my past trauma. I've spent so many session in therapy going round in circles not talking about things. I just freeze. I desperately want to let it out but each time I can't. On the odd occasion I have managed to say something it has triggered me and I've ended up in a mess.

I have become so alone. I no longer see friends because they ask how I am. They know something is wrong. I feel trapped by their questions into either lying and saying im fine, or ending up in a flashback by trying to explain.

Gosh... a lot came out there, well for me anyway.

[marta1234]

Hey Oceanstar, welcome. I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Many times I've wanted to explain things to my friends but then immediately trigger myself, and just make myself feel worse. Personally, I've realized that many times I'm not ready to talk about the issue or my past, and it's just my defense mechanism that is telling me to just tell them (which will appease them), or it's what I do for survival (better talk about it then it festering in your mind and eating you alive).
For me, I'm able to talk a bit about my issues with my friend when I am in a safe place (or quiet), but to do that you need to trust the other person first.

Sorry if my reply is a bit confusing, I'm not really in a clear state of mind right now. 

[dreamriver]

So... Im new to all this.
Just begining to wonder if it's possible to unravel my past without my present  world falling apart.

Hi OceanStar and welcome

I just want to say that this sounds so much like my thought processes especially when I first was diagnosed and approaching "getting better." I have often felt like my present world was falling apart. And I still do sometimes.

Instead what I've found is that that "falling apart" feeling is just that.... a feeling...when in reality the unnecessary is getting stripped away as you heal, open up, and face the truth, and then the unnecessary is replaced with something better, even if it is hard and scary and out of my control....

But I'm glad to be here and I'm glad others are here, it seems to get better the more you try. So give yourself credit for that

[wannalearnlife]

I can relate to that feeling that the world falls apart as we try and get some healing done. I have started to tackle some root causes with EMDR and work is very hard, life is hard, relating to others or being in crowds VERY hard!

How do you cope?
Thank you

[OceanStar]

Thank you marta1234, dreamriver and wannalearnlife for replying. I really appreciated it.

Marta1234, I too am begining to talk to a few close friends but I can only go so far before freezing. I've noticed that people find this very hard. They just want to know what's going on. They find me suddenly stopping talking really hard, they don't understand that every part of me is screaming NO and then I feel like I have to explain even more. Does that make any sense.

Wannalearnlife, you asked how I cope. I am really not the best person to ask but fwiw I observe my surroundings and tell myself my age now and that I'm not there  (where my trauma happened). I find that helps to ground me after, after whatever it is that has got to me.