The full force of hypervigilance.

[sigiriuk]

Before , I used to think of it as just 'being watchful' or "a bit wary".
Hypervigilance is a sludge monster - that is mostly silent. Lurking in the background, it has always been there.
I did not realise that this "way of being" was abnormal. I didn't realise that this "inner concrete" was abnormal. The tension, too, was normal. Due to a recent 'experience' I can appreciate how pervasive and painful it is.

It is the most agonising thing that I have ever experienced.

And most of my personality is hypervigilance - or shaped by it.

In all, I have come to see it as the most disabling aspect (for me) of cPTSD.

Needed to share that.

Slim x

[saylor]

I hear you, Slim 

The difficulty sleeping, the body tension/aches, the inability to relax or to function normally out in public with people and sounds and movement everywhere, the toll on social/work/school life...

It's exhausting, deeply uncomfortable, life-robbing

[sigiriuk]

Yes Saylor
I was in denial about how deep the hypervigilance goes in my life.
I hope that it will get less over the coming years, now that I can see the full extent of it, and can see how hypervigilance has always been a core trait of my personality.
Slim