Dad’s a paedophile and I’ve got CPTSD - coincidence?

[Buttonphobic]

Hi all
I'm in my 40s and suffered with anxiety all my lifer. Recently diagnosed with PTSD. Mainly believed to be attributed to a mother whose unpredictable mood resulted in many a physical beating.

I know my father molested another family member when they were a young child, but only found out about this recently.  He molested other children as well.
I can't remember my father doing anything to me but recently I remembered a recurring dream I had as a child, at least my mermory puts it as a dream but  I remember the 'dream' feeling very emotional and physically real.
Basically what I remember of them was everything was dark, I may have been under the covers. I couldn't move bercause of a heavy weight on me and there was a loud sound of a beating heart. I used to wake with a start to find one of my parents in my bedroom (can't remember which one) I always assumed they had come in to comfort me because they knew I was having a dream. Anouther reoccuring dream was of a man who lived in our attic, who would come down at night and either chase me down the stairs or wait for me to come home and peer out of my bedroom window wIting for me.
Nothing else makes me suspicious except me and my siblings were all very 'sexualised at a really early age, in fact from the age of three I was fixated by playing doctors and nurses with members of the opposite sex. I think that sort of thing is quite normal but for me it was a real fixation. As an adult I've had a really high libido. Generally I'm very uncomfortable when people touch me, I avoid greeting by hugging or kissing,. But I love and crave the touch of my partner. I think  in the deep recesses of my mind I place a deeper sexual/love meaning to 'touching' than is normal. If my partner hasn't touched me in  day I feel deeply rejected, unappealing and unloved.
Does this ring true with anyone or do you think I'm just making assumptions?

[Three Roses]

I don't think you're making assumptions. Being "sexualised at a really early age" is imo an indication that there's something that you and your siblings went through, or were exposed to.

You mention you're diagnosed with ptsd; but complex ptsd is different - in fact I've read that if a person with cptsd receives treatment intended for a person with ptsd, it can exacerbate cptsd symptoms. Please be cautious about this.  If you go to the Out of the Storm website there's a link to downloadable documents to use in choosing a therapist, or informing one you already have. www.outofthestorm.website/downloads

[Bermuda]

You are most certainly not simply making assumptions. If these things are tied in your mind, than they are tied. However, it doesn't necessarily mean you yourself were sexually abused.

You did not state at what age you were when you found out about what your father had done to the other child, or what the atmosphere in your home was aside from feeling sexualized. Learning your father was a paedophile is alone traumatizing enough for a child to create sexually inappropriate behaviour, and as you said you felt sexualized. Your feelings are valid, and even if you cannot get the answers you crave, you are valid. You felt sexualized. This effects you.

I really sympathise with your sentiments, and your quest for answers. I am in a similar situation myself.

[Buttonphobic]

Thanks for the replies they're  really appreciated. Sorry I meant I've got CPTSD. Growing up my mother ruled the house,  her mood dictated things, emotional and physical punishment. My dad was the softer one. Didn't think anything was odd about my dad until I found out when I was in my 30s