TW - ready to share

[sigiriuk]

I have to speak my truth
I was abused by the woman who was my adopted "mother'.
Talking about it brings up feelings of ending my life.
It is my most hideous secret, and I cannot share it with my wife.
I feel so dirty, and the most evil person on the earth.
There are no words to describe how i feel. There is no melody to describe it.
How do I describe feeling like pure filth?

Slim
PS. I am safe, have phone numbers to call, and a support network

[Not Alone]

I hear you. I have felt all of the feelings that you named. I get it.

[Three Roses]

I empathize with you, Slim. We're the ones left holding the feelings of shame and guilt and worthlessness, feeling like the dregs of humanity - while our abusers seemingly float away unscathed by feeling anything for what they've done to us.

No matter what happened to you, it was not your fault. They like to tell us it's because of something we did, or said, but we were the innocent targets for their warped urges. We were trusting, innocent children.

If it's OK, I'd like to offer you a safe and innocent hug full of empathy and healing. (but ignore if it's not OK).

[Kizzie]

I'm so sorry you went through that Slim and that you are carrying it all within you still.  I hope by sharing here you can let all the garbage and darkness out and take in some warmth, comfort and support from us because none of it was your fault. 

The responsibility lies solely with your adopted mother, time to give the responsibility and shame back to her where it belonged from the very beginning.   

[sigiriuk]

Thank you guys.
Reassurance is what I need now, and you all have provided it in heaps! 

Today, I woke up, and started to understand that there are a few "Slim"s, in my head (identities). This is a positive development for me, and I think it is as a result of being able to speak my truth here on the forum, to you all.

The Qigong is having positive effects too. I realise that my body belongs to me, and not to those people around me.  Growing up, I was treated as if my body didn't belong to me.

Lot of positive energy to all of you

Slim 

[Kizzie]

Hello to all your parts Slim   

I hope you'll feel them start to become part of you more and more as you let them know you want to hear them and to come home to you.

  - you to your parts

  - us to you

- me to you