Letter to my MIL

[rainydiary]

In the past few months I realized that for so long I focused on my in-laws for years.  It shielded me from facing the truth in my family.  I haven't felt compelled to write my own family letters as I did that earlier in my recovery journey.  But my challenges with my in-laws keep coming up. 

Dear MIL,

I wish we could just both admit out loud how much we don't like each other.  I tried really hard to be kind and here is what I got In the early years of my relationship to your son -

*being ignored all day when I joined you for Thanksgiving (where you all insisted on cramming 5 adults into his one bedroom apartment instead of getting a hotel)

*having you make a point of saying in front of me "I got him to move back home" after we moved to your hometown from where we'd been living (wow I wish I had run away when I heard that crap)

*watching you tap bumpers while you were parking a car and act like hitting another vehicle with yours was no biggie then going into a restaurant where you paid for your son's food but not mine

*telling me I ruined your Christmas after your son and I left to get some food after you lied about the time we would be eating to get us to come to your house

*having you drop everything (including speaking to your other children) the moment your son walked in a room

*putting poison into your son about me and then having to listen to your twisted views about family and what I "owe" you all come out through his mouth

I am going to stop there.  After a while I started refusing to put up with this.  It caused a lot of problems and continues to do so.  You have become more covert in your campaign against me once you realized I couldn't be groomed into doing your bidding.  This scares me every day because while I can understand in my mind why you act the way you do, the emotional toll it takes on me is a lot.

I have a memory that I sometimes think about.  We were all doing a group bicycle ride.  Your son was a little ahead of me, riding  on his own.  I'm not sure where you came from, but you saw him and started riding as fast as you could to catch up to him.  It was one of the most pathetic things I have ever seen. 

I am not sure how to stop letting you disturb my peace.  I have learned a lot about families and am aware of labels that probably fit you.  And yet, I hear your voice, I see the way you treat my husband and his siblings, I think about the past hurts you have caused and I lose it.  I want to have empathy for you but it feels wasted on someone who is actively trying to come between me and my husband.

I hope to find a way through this.  I don't want to give you so power anymore. 

[Three Roses]

Your letter makes me feel less alone, in my own struggles with in-laws and other "family", so thank you. 

[rainydiary]

 

[buddy9832]

That's tough rainy. I'm sure my wife feels the same way about my parents. Especially my mom.

I hope things will get better or at a minimum you will get the peace that you deserve.

[rainydiary]

Thanks Buddy.  At this point I'm not sure what will bring peace but I hope to find it. 

[Not Alone]

Sounds like an extremely wearing, painful, toxic relationship. Good for you and the boundaries you are able to put up.