Having a dog

[Bella]

Hey everyone!
I thought I'd ask a weired question. How many of you find that having a dog eases your CPTSD symptoms? And are there anyone that actually feels the opposite?
I absolutely love dogs!!... animals in general. A couple of years ago we got the most beautiful puppy! She was my dream dog in many ways. I had experience with dogs from earlier, but had never had my own. My problem was that day by day I found myself getting more and more stressed. Obviously I needed to provide everything she needed on a daily basis. She was a very active dog, and I was so scared I was not gonna be enough for her. That what I did would not be good enough. I ended up being so stressed and fatigued, I had to give her back to her breeder. (Which by the way took very good care of her!) I missed her so much, but was also relieved I now didn't have to take care of her. Now my boy really wants a dog, and I would love for him to have one. We've been in the process for a while, but again I get so scared I will not do right by this dog. When I'm able to use my brain, I know I can provide whatever the dog needs. But when I'm in a flashback I get all scared and tense. What if this will rub of on the dog and make him/her scared too? I know some dogs are able to calm their anxious owner... but it would not be like that for all dogs I guess... Sorry... this might seem stupid to some, but it's a huge deal for me. I really truly miss a dog in my life, but gets easily overwhelmed... what should I do?

[Not Alone]

How many of you find that having a dog eases your CPTSD symptoms? And are there anyone that actually feels the opposite?

Both are true for me. My dog brings me comfort and is company. She's also very needy in her old age and sometimes I don't have anything to give. She also has a very loud and frequent bark and the sudden, loud noise can be triggering.

Maybe consider: What has changed from the time years ago when you had the puppy?

[Bella]

Thank you so much for responding, notalone!
It's a good question... I think what is different this time, is I'm actually aware that what I am going through is a condition called CPTSD. I now know I get triggered, and that makes me stressed and scared. I didn't at the time, and I  just thought it was the dog that was responsible for the way I felt. Whenever I felt so inadequat and not good enough for her, I got triggered! Now I hope and believe this knowledge will be beneficial, cause I know why I react and feel the way I do. Another thing is we will have another type of dog this time, smaller with not as much need for a certain amount of exercise and activity during the day... But yes, I will most certainly get triggered this time around too, but hopefully I'll be much better at understanding myself. My boy is also bigger now, 11 years old, so he will be able to do more with the dog, even though I know it is my responsebility. My husband is more onboard too, as he can see how beneficial it would be for our boy, as he's been going through a lot lately, and needs something positive in his life. But the minute I write this I get scared again... scared I after all will not be able to cope, and ones again my boy will have to say goodbye... I'm drawn in all different directions with this. One part wants this, and one part wants something totally different... everything, life in general, is always so confusing to me. I never know what I really truly want...!

[C.]

I had a similar situation when my son was in middle school and I was in the early stages of healing.  Another option might be caring for other dogs in some way?  I don't know how all of this works right now w/social distancing and the pandemic though...
What my son and I did was to volunteer at an animal shelter to walk dogs and socialize cats.  It was fun, community service, and met a need to be around animals.  Another was we cared for a neighbor's dog.  For me these activities were better than the responsibility of taking on a pet 24/7.  It also can be good training for future pet ownership.  Maybe plan to volunteer for a while and then decide?  I think it's so beautiful that you have such compassion for your son and dogs.  I know you will find the solution that is unique to and works best for your family.

[Bella]

Thank you so much, C! I think doing it like that would be a great idea! My problem though is I'm living in a country (where there are not many shelters, and not many stray dogs, really. (Which obviously is a good thing!) There are obviously many dogs that need new homes at any given time, but here other "platforms" are being used to rehome dogs. We've tried to adopt several dogs, but everytime we've found ourselves not chosen! They get adopted by somebody else. It's been much harder than what I thought it would be.. and then also having these CPTSD symptoms on top of it, being so undecisive and scared about it. But yes, I do believe we will find a solution.
Again thank you for finding time to write me! The fact that you did, and what you wrote, encouraged me!

[C.]

I am so happy to hear you felt encouraged.  Wonderful!   

[Kizzie]

Bella, what if you had a conversation about how you feel with your family and that it must be a family dog which means everyone helps with its care and feeding.  That may bring down some of the pressure and anxiety you're feeling.  It would also help to demonstrate to shelters that you are all in this together.

Also, would another type of animal - cat, rabbit, hamster -  be a consideration?

[Bella]

Kizzy, yes! That is imortant! I think both my husband and son think it will be a family project. I just know most of the taking care of the dog will end up being me, cause I'm the one staying home every day! Anyway, communication is important. I do practice figuring out what my needs are, and communicate them to people around me. Not easy though...
About another animal, I would love to have a cat. I think it's a great idea! It would most defenetly be easier. My husband is not very fond of cats though, unfortunately... He is a dog person!
Thank you for your response, Kizzy! Just reading other peoples opinions, ideas and thoughts, does help me find my own!

[Kizzie]

        

[CherryTree]

Bella -

Aww, It's great to hear that you're thinking of getting a dog - I am too!

I don't know where you are based but in England we have something called 'borrow my doggy' where you can find people in your area who maybe need some help walking or sitting for their pets. It's a really good way to get to meet lots of breeds and see how much time/responsibility they need.

Puppies are always going to be very high energy and high maintenance, so maybe look at approaching a rescue centre for a more mature dog who isn't going to be quite so 'on the go' all the time. If you'd rather buy than rescue, spend some time researching breeds to find one that fits your needs - perhaps one with a naturally calm temprament who doesn't require tonnes of walking per day.

I know in the USA you can get special support animals for almost any condition, so maybe your country will also offer emotional support dogs for CPTSD? I have tried to look here in the UK but I think they are only available to people who are Autistic or blind...

Best of luck 

[Bella]

Thank you, CherryTree! I appreciate your comment and concern.
I would love to be able to have that "borrow my doggy" thing here! That would be great!
I live in Norway, and everything concerning animal wellfare is differently organized here, so there is not many shelters around. Been trying to find a rescue-dog for a while that would suit us, but haven't found one! Either they are to big, to active, or have behaviour issues.  It has not been a easy process. Especially with CPTSD symptoms getting the best of me. But now I've decided to go through with having a dog no matter what symptoms pops up, especially for my boy's sake. Since finding a suitable rescue dog has been so difficult, we have decided yo get a puppy. And yes, taking time finding just the right breed is so important.
Oh my goodness.. would be awesome to have a emotional support dog! The problem is they don't train dogs for that purpose here... mostly for blindness and physically impared people. Anyway... hopefully I get my own little emotional support dog! Some are just naturals when it comes to comforting their owners, and being emphatetic.
Anyway... thank you again! And good luck to you too!