Introducing Myself

[Jack01]

I am new to OOTS and glad I found this site. I have been dealing with CPTSD symptoms probably longer than I realize. I am also a recovering Alcoholic with 31 years sobriety. I know my symptoms have been with me for a while but about 20 years ago my Mother was diagnosed with ALZ and I began experiencing depression, anxiety, anger outbursts etc. I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with Depression and anxiety. He prescribed anti-depressants and Xanax. Being responsible for my mothers well being was a full enough job but running a business at the same time was exhausting. I do have a sister but her own alcoholism almost killed her and she wasn't much help. I have finally gotten my mother into a skilled nursing facility which is a short drive away. After selling the business I went back to teaching. I am certified to teach special education students K-12. My last assignment, which I really wanted, was as a teacher in a day school attached to a Children's and Adolescent Acute Psychiatric Unit. run by the local school district. I quickly learned that I might be a CPTSD survivor and began seeing a therapist. He helped some but working with these children I soon discovered that no matter the doctor's diagnosis there was usually a traumatic past involved. I ran my class as a Trauma Informed Learning Environment. That worked well until we were put under the direction a different Department whose .airperson knew little to nothing about working in an acute psychiatric unit. Her only concern was that I follow the district's curriculum guide and have NO lessons which involved letting the students tell their stories and then relating it back to the science of their bodies. I did the lesson anyway. The admin who was observing was furious. This was just before Thanksgiving. When I walked to the office to try and talk to her I saw her through the Principals glass door. Her back was to me but with all her hand waving and screaming my first thought was that she had been triggered by the lesson. The students liked the lesson and were eager to tell their stories and discuss ways to heal. They were used to it and most liked it. They liked being in a safe place to express their feelings or not. It was always a choice to tell your story or present something that helps you get through your days. I taught there 10 years and every admin I showed this to ( with student permission) was delighted to see it being done.
After the observation and, before my chance at rebuttal, the dept. chair emailed me and said when I got back from the Thanksgiving holiday the admin were going to come to my first period class and let the students know that under no circumstances would telling their stories or doing social emotional work during science. I knew theses girls and if the dept. chair wanted to see how an entire class could get triggered, I knew they wouldn't disappoint. Also before my chance to review and sign off on the post conference meeting they let me know they were going to put a 15 year teacher on probation for doing what I had always done..help children.
I waited until everyone had gone home for Thanksgiving and logged on to the District web site and retired/resigned. Needless to say I battling my own flashbacks but the act of pushing the submit button was a flood of relief. I also had accrued more than enough paid leave days so I got my doctor, who was treating me for CPTSD, to write the District a letter stating that it was a necessity and not a choice that I have off.
Since then I had been pretty symptom free until COVID and our President's response. I recently bought Walkers COMPLEX CPTSD book and was presently surprised to fond out that I had been practicing many of the techniques found in the book.
I have noticed, over the years, that openly and honestly helping others can lead to your own healing.
I told this to my Doctor and his statement still resonates deeply. He affirmed my belief the " the damaged healing the damaged is usually good medicine for both". Thanks for this group

[Not Alone]

Thank you for sharing part of your story. Welcome. 

[gravity]

Than you for sharing your story.  That is a lot to go through and process.  I'm glad you are working through all of it and have someone to help you.  Welcome.

[Snowdrop]

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found your way to us.