Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Still here. Feeling rather... not blah, but not whee. hard to describe. Some of it may be the weather, it's been all over the place and everything hurts with the constant changing. just... ugh.

[Chart]

 

[sanmagic7]

i hear you, CF.  the seasonal changes, daylight savings time changes, all affect me as well.  one thing i do know is that it will eventually right itself.  hang tough, ok?  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

CF, I am resonating with your experiences and feelings.  I am thinking of you.

[CactusFlower]

We have plans to go to a gaming restaurant later with friends this evening. Support is needed, as today is both hopeful and nauseatingly scary. I can't even read the news, it gives me such a hot ball of anxiety right at the diaphragm. As a disabled nonheterosexual nonbinary person, today freaking terrifies me in visceral ways. We talked about things in my ACA group this past Saurday, and we all agree it's triggering a lot of us due to the older potentially violent and definitely abusive male possibly being in charge. We're having an extra meeting tomorrow night online to all check in with each other.  Please, please, let it be a check in of celebration and not fear. I'm probably going to play video games here in a moment most of the day to barely keep from dissociating. Just... Ugh.   Stay safe, stay warm.

[Armee]

It's terrifying even being a white cisfemale. I can't imagine the added layer of existential fear you are feeling. I'm glad you have a group to check in with, hopefully in celebration and relief.

[CactusFlower]

We didn't meet up, everyone was too freaked out.

What I wake up to today scares the poop out of me. I am so ashamed of this country. Good thing I have therapy today, not that it'll do much. I am literally scared.

[Armee]

 

Yeah.

[CactusFlower]

Well the ACA online get-together did help. About 8 or 9 of us showed up and the love and support was strong in the room. We can only do what we can do and get through, but it was good to remember we are a group that cares. People have even been reaching out to check in via text and such. Laundry still had to be done this morning and life does continue.

[sanmagic7]

yeah, life does continue, CF.  i've been hearing about the fear, and that is absolutely unacceptable - not the fear itself, but the reason for it.  just sucks.  so glad you've got a supportive group to lean on.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

thank you, san, hugs back.

Still going here. it's calmed down a bit, but each new cabinet appointment makes me sick. So glad I have the ACA group still.

On a positive note, I'm making new connections, which my therapist likes. LOL I've started playing D&D (dungeons and dragons) online. I used to love it in high school, but that was before computers could even play Oregon Trail. I've loved the video games, but I decided to get back into actual tabletop playing. And you can online, I don't have to go deal with a bunch of strangers in an uncomfortable shop. What the tech lets you do these days is amazing. Had the first session yesterday afternoon and it went relatively well. I had a few moments of "where do I click for that?", but everyone was really nice and understanding. I did specifically pick one that said beginner-friendly, so that helps.

Therapy continues along. The holidays always make for awkward times as she may be off on certain weeks, but I'm okay so far. EMDR works well for me, but we don't use it every session. After this week (Thanksgiving), we'll talk about holidays and what all those mean in my experience. That should be... interesting. Other than that, I'm just crocheting when I can, being creative, and staying warm. now if I could just figure out how to actually hibernate...

[Armee]

Right there with you, Cactus Flower. It's horrifying. Just gotta hunker down into the realm of the people who are good and not hateful for now. 

[NarcKiddo]

Yeah, hibernation sounds very appealing.