Sad, it's my sister's birthday

[Pioneer]

My little sister has her birthday today. We went NC with FOO this past year or so, so I can't contact her.

I've overall wanted to be a good, protective big sister. Our relationship hasn't been a healthy one, even though I thought we had gotten close especially as adults. I am learning that she is my NPs fawning and narcisstic child and she plays the part of not acknowledging (or at least in a lasting, meaningful way) their abuse. After we had confronted my NPs a year and a half ago, I was terrified to tell her. When I did over the phone about how manipulative our NPs had been, she seemed to listen but then said "I'm sorry there has been a miscommunication". I stood up for myself and with a shaky voice said, "this is not a miscommunication."  And then I explained everything again (I got a sunburn while talking to her on the phone). She asked afterwards if my husband and I could talk with her and her husband sometime about how our relationship with them was different from our relationship with NPs - presumably so they could understand the difference. I agreed, but it never happened. Partially it didn't happen because she kept pushing for it. And when my husband and I got this miraculous opportunity to talk with some friends of my parents, who live a long way off, she said she was "concerned" which really meant that we were not allowed to talk to them about the situation - we ended up meeting with those friends and it was one of the most encouraging, affirming conversations we've had. I think this was the first time I had ever argued with her. And I feel like I haven't really talked to her since (was just talked over by her). And we went NC with her this year, too.

I feel some guilt for not ever talking with her and her husband, too. But I don't think I should feel guilty... She has continued to send little guilt trips about not being able to get ahold of me. She had her first baby recently, too, and I have not been involved. I feel sad about that too. And there are some feelings of guilt. But I am terrified of her and of the strong connection she has with my NPs.
I love my little family too much to be in contact with FOO, and I love my FOO too much to enable their abuse. This is of course a work in progress since I deal with a lot of bitterness and then swing to "worship" of my FOO at times.

So, I guess I can get it out here and write this, "Sister, happy birthday. I am sad not to be involved in your life. But I love you and my family too much to contact you."

[Not Alone]

Pioneer, I hear your grief. 

[Bach]

I, too, hear and understand your grief   And applaud you for acknowledging your feelings and asserting a healthy boundary! 

[Pioneer]

Thank you notalone and Bach!  Your words and hugs are comforting and affirming for me. I feel encouraged.