Change in vision perceptions

[Pioneer]

This seems random, but I was curious if anyone can relate to having vision perceptions change. I haven't experienced this since I was a kid, but I would commonly lay in bed trying to go to sleep and the door (where light was coming in) would sometimes look much farther away than it actually was. And sometimes it would do the opposite and look really close - right up in front of my face. And that was very anxiety inducing. I haven't had that happen since I was a child, but I am thinking it was related to the anxiety of neglect. I read about someone experiencing tunnel vision, so that may be what that was.

I think this has become less as well, but I can also remember some childhood memories as if I am watching from the air, as a separate person.

I don't know very much about DID but was curious if those are signs of that at all... I do in recent years change my personality depending on where in my CPTSD cycle I am currently. It's weird. It didn't used to be like that. Trying to put the pieces all together.

[dreamriver]

When I was hitting my teenage years I remember noticing that my vision seemed to change.

It was almost like fisheye but less dramatic. It seems normal now and haven't thought about it in years, but it seemed like before I could see things clearer on my periphery, and then over time they were more blurry. Things were only clear right around where I was focusing. I forgot about this and got used to it. I assume my vision is still like that now.

Is this maybe some kind of tunnel vision, due to trauma?!? Does this sound like tunnel vision? Because I don't know!

Haven't had your experiences exactly but can relate...seeing yourself as separate from your body definitely sounds like some kind of dissociation.

[Bermuda]

I can relate to having this as a child. I remember my vision distorting a lot, things that I know are natural processes were perhaps exasperated by my traumatic state. For example, falling asleep seeing a face in the texture of the wall, very clearly. I do wonder if for you the door was a focus of your anxiety. Waiting for someone to come in or yearning to escape. Some other stress related distortion I have noticed is seeing the door breathing.

Honestly, I've never thought of these things before consciously, and I guess I have always just explained it to myself as how we naturally see faces and have hyper vigilience especially as children as kind of a natural self-preservation mechanism, and then for some of us this kind of us this prehistoric trait is validated and it can grow into it's own beast. I'm not sure if that sentiment makes sense outside of my head. As far as DID, and dissociation in general, I don't really have much concrete informational about those topics to know if it is related. Maybe it is, or maybe it is part of the same mechanism that leads to dissociation, because hypervigilence is EXHAUSTING.

This is all speculation. I can relate though. Doors and windows are very significant in my taumatised brain. I don't know if that helps you at all. :/

[Pioneer]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, dreamriver! I don't know much about tunnel vision either. But it is very interesting that your vision changed from more perception on your periphery and then seeing that change. It's interesting that our eyes are so sensitive to trauma and survival in the midst of it.

Like you mentioned, Bermuda, it does seem like hypervigilance causes us to have heightened and adaptable senses in some ways. It's interesting to realize and process. And it's reassuring that I am not alone. What you both said was very helpful!

I do wonder if for you the door was a focus of your anxiety. Waiting for someone to come in or yearning to escape. Some other stress related distortion I have noticed is seeing the door breathing.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights about seeing a door in an altered way. It does make a lot of sense that I had a lot of anxiety about the bedroom door. I think my anxiety was probably largely caused by a fear of who was going to come through the door, though as an adult I also tend to have a fear/need for an escape route sometimes. I am still very afraid of doors, particularly the front door these days. That is getting somewhat better now that we are farther separated from our abusers.

I do in recent years change my personality depending on where in my CPTSD cycle I am currently. It's weird. It didn't used to be like that. Trying to put the pieces all together.

I mentioned that I tend to change my personality, but I think more accurately it's more so that I struggle with depression, anxiety and my mood and attitude and so I change how I behave at times. That is not the same as changing personality. Though, I wish I was more consistent like I used to be. I am hoping healing will continue to change that.

Thank you again for all your thoughts!