It hurts, but what is "it"?

[Kat]

I've been having intrusive thoughts and nightmares.  I've been living in a serious EF for the past few days.  Time is all screwy.  I can't remember most of what I do throughout the day.  I keep crying.  I've been self-medicating more than usual.  I've self-harmed.  You know...like you do when you've got C-PTSD.

I keep telling my therapist that the pain is intense, and it is.  But it's not located anywhere.  It just freaking hurts.  She called it psychic pain.  I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about...don't you?  Everything and nothing hurts.  Everything and nothing is wrong.  I'm drowning while sitting on my leather couch in my perfectly dry living room while I watch TV. 

Please tell me you know how I feel.  Right now I'm feeling a bit crazy.

[Not Alone]

Oh Kat, I'm sorry you are experiencing so much pain. I know that feeling of drowning. You are not crazy, although I know that feeling too. One moment at a time. Try to take some deep breaths.

[Kat]

Thank you, notalone.  I appreciate it.  It helps to know others understand what I'm experiencing. 

[Three Roses]

I understand exactly what you mean! And in fact have spent the last few days exactly there. You're not alone.

[Kat]

Thank you, three roses. I'm sorry you are struggling and in pain too.  It's awful.  Doing my best to doggy paddle and keep my head above water. 

[Bella]

I know this is an old thread, I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean by the intense pain being nowhere and everywhere. That's a good way to put it. I guess that is how despair feels like! No wonder every cell in the body freak out, when one is in utter despair! I think the body believes it is dying! That is certainly how it feels like! The intensity is mind-blowing!
Hope you are doing OK now!

[Kat]

Hi Bella,

I haven't been on the forum for a long while now, so it's interesting that I randomly showed up today to find your response.  I'd forgotten about this post.  I read where you said "I think the body believes it is dying!" and thought Yes!!  That is how it feels. 

My pain isn't so intense now, thank goodness.  It comes and goes, doesn't it?   Be well.