Wow, that actually helped?!

[Windflower]

Ladies and gentlemen I am sitting here with tears of laughter streaming down my face for the first time in... well... ever?? And I must share a few random things I've found lately that actually help alleviate my symptoms and triggers. Not always, not a cure, but hey I am absolutely happy with any relief at this point.

#1. I have renamed my parents. After two fictional characters that are ridiculously similar. My mother is now "Gothel" (the codependent narcissistic abusive gaslighting crazy mom in Tangled) and my father is Ego (Peters dad and the utterly delusional self obsessed sociopathic psycho self righteous god-phenomenon in Guardians of the Galaxy). I went so far as to change their contact info in my phone with photos of these two characters and their names. And I have to say - getting codependent texts from Gothel makes it so much easier to stomach than "mom" when I don't see her as my mom at all. Phone calls from Ego help me dive into the inner anger that can actually be a powerful tool to keep me from collapsing under his manipulative tactics. A very cathartic experience that also helps me see them clearly as villainous even when I'm having bouts of not believing they are 'that' bad. And to separate myself from them and view them objectively instead of through the fog of an instant flashback. Reframing at its finest.

#2. Hey inner child, you do not have to change the world. Sounds obvious like well duh, I'm broke down in tears most of the time who am I to change the world... but after everything my parents laid on me as a child (raised my sister took care of the farm did all the chores indoors and out) and everything others laid on me I realized I feel fundamentally guilty allllllll the time for not doing more being more accomplishing more. A concept not foreign to many of you im sure. But I hadn't actually sat myself down and sorted out the root of it before. So now I'm just relishing in and dwelling on the good news that I am not in fact responsible for changing the world and it is completely fine to just do my thing and no more.

Thanks for listening hope it's helpful to someone besides me too 

[Not Alone]

Very creative to rename your parents.
Inner child, you don't need to change the world and you are not responsible for the world.

[Blueberry]