Article for kids of NPs

[Pioneer]

I was raised by NPs. And as my inner child has been coming out more for comfort and healing, I've found that I really need to understand what my child part went through to be as hurt as she is. This allows me to better understand the brokenness and pain I'm experiencing as a adult, and it strengthens the healthy protective side of me.

Kizzie linked to this article in a post at one point and I've read and reread it. It's been so helpful for bringing me back to reality when the doubts of what happened settle in again and again:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201802/the-real-effect-narcissistic-parenting-children

I wanted to share it in case it's helpful for anyone else. And it's also a reminder for me to keep going back and reading it. I seem to
really need the affirmation and understanding that the article gives. I am thankful for others who have studied and put this info out. I really need that outward perspective to help me take care of my inner child.

[Kizzie]

It's still a tough read I find but like you, so important in terms of validating how and why I developed CPTSD.

[Blueberry]

Thank you for posting this Pioneer! I couldn't even read all of it, but I read enough for the moment.

I went on to read a different article by the same author. I think I'll write in my Journal about that.

[Pioneer]

The article does carry a lot of weight. For some reason, it gives me a lot of relief in reading it through. Maybe because it speaks truth and justice for my inner child who could never fully grasp hold of the truth and I still try to hide the truth which causes much EFs and turmoil.

Last night I was feeling quite a bit of anxiety before going to sleep. And I thought to read through the article and it soothed me and I was able to sleep really well after that. Who would have thought that would be a good relaxing bedtime read? 

I resonate with all of it, but one of the "strange" points that I resonate with is that kids of NPs are high achievers or saboteurs or both. I fall into the both category, which is so aggravating. If anyone has as any tips on how to get the inner child past such thinking and behavior I'd really appreciate it. Being aware and validated is a good first step.

[Kizzie]

One of the things that helped me was to listen to what I was saying to myself and then challenge it.  For example, I was led to believe I was a bad daughter by my parents, but when I really, really thought about it, when I reversed my focus and looked at their behaviour I realized I was in fact a decent, caring person who never knowingly hurt anyone.

If you struggle to do this I found it helped at first to compare myself to someone who is a well known poster child for abusive behaviour so I (my ICh) could make the distinction clearly and easily. Lots of famous people to choose from sadly - from Joan Crawford (Mommy Dearest) to Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump .... long list in most countries besides the US.

Hope this helps 

[Pioneer]

Thanks Kizzie! That is really helpful. I can see how making that distinction would help me focus on the truth so I don't spiral out of control, which leads me to behave in negative ways that are the opposite of who I am. Having a comparison who is not my direct abuser sounds safe and grounding. I am also a visual learner, so I think picturing someone else would help resonate this distinction in my mind. I will have to practice that. Thanks again!

[Kizzie]