Hello!

[Wisteria777]

Hi everyone,

This isn't technically my first post, but it's my first introdctory post! I admit to being very intimidated about opening up, even anonymously. And I'm honestly not sure where to go next on the board! Maybe some of the regulars can help me out?

I'm a married woman in my 50s. I grew up in an alcoholic and generally dysfunctional household. There was drug and alcohol abuse, criminal activity (drug dealing), extreme bullying from a cousin, and general violence (some of it sexual). No surprise, my first relationship as a teen was with a boy who was violent and who stalked me.

I suffer from extreme anxiety, depression and general catastrophizing. I've been in therapy since high school, and while it has helped at times, it wasn't until I found this board that something clicked with me. I do think I suffer from CPTSD, though I have not been diagnosed by a professional. I don't feel like I can really talk about any of this with anyone I know, including my husband.

I am now reading a book called Repeat After Me, and it's bringing up a lot of stuff for me. Some of it is pretty upsetting, so I'm trying to take it slow. Would appreciate hearing from anyone, especially those who may have read that book.

[CactusFlower]

Welcome! This is such a supportive and informative place. I (and this is only my opinion) would recommend maybe starting your own journal in the Recovery Journal section, and possibly reading some of the recovery tools and resource areas for really helpful ideas. If you are able to, maybe reading the sections about the symptoms you find most concerning, possibly even sharing a little about how you experience those? I'm sure you'll find quickly how kind and caring everyone is. A really nice spot (in the recovery tools, I think?) is the 1,2,3 post where we celebrate our accomplishments, no matter how small. Even if it's "I got out of bed this morning."

I haven't read that particular book. Maybe you could start a discussion about it in the books area? I'm curious. I also have found that some books have to be taken at a slow pace in small chunks. I'm in my 50's as well, so welcome, fellow age cohort!

[Wisteria777]

Thank you so much CactusFlower!

[BeeKeeper]

Hello Wistera777,

Ditto everything CactusFlower has said. I have not read that book, but now want to find out about it. Thanks for naming it. If you are reading and find yourself experiencing strong feelings, that's probably a clue you're on the right track and having found us here, in the right place. No one "needs" a diagnosis to know in their heart what's true, but since insurance depends on diagnoses, then sometimes, that's a key to therapy reimbursement, and/or language you can use for short cuts in looking for a therapist who deals with trauma.

It's never too late to learn, grow and share. The sharing is safest when it's done with people who understand and have lived through similar situations. The keys to learning are available for free. Motivation and readiness is necessary for making progress though. I'm glad you trust enough to make this post in the intro section and you'll find many excellent supportive people and resources here.

[Not Alone]

Welcome, Wisteria. 

I've been a part of OOTS for a long time and I still feel vulnerable when I share. I think that's pretty common for those of us with cPTSD.

As for navigating OOTS, it might be helpful to click on "Recent Unread Topics" and read those posts. For the journals, don't feel like you need to read the whole journal. Some of us have several pages! If you read a few of the recent entries in journals, you will have an idea of what is happening in that person's life.

[Armadillo]

Hi! Welcome! I've never read that book but am curious. Most books that are related to CPTSD are very difficult for me to read. I do read them but it is hard. Share at your own pace!

[zanzoken]

Welcome, Wisteria777.  Glad you are here with us and wish you all the best.

[Kizzie]

Hi Wistria, good for you for taking a risk in opening up a bit.  It took me months to feel comfortable frankly and then the words began to flow.  I find now the things I don't yet open up about are because I'm not ready to see them in writing and am good with that - taking my time is something I learned since being here.

I haven't heard of that book but one I really like is by Judith Herman who came up with the diagnosis Complex PTSD in the 1990's.  Above all she is so empathetic and easy to understand so you get a good sense of relational trauma and how/why it impacts us as it does.  It's called "Trauma and Recovery".   

The other book I would recommend is Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD" although I found I had to read it in small chunks and then set it aside for a bit. He's a therapist is the US who has CPTSD so understands it from the inside out.

 

[Wisteria777]

Thanks everyone! I have posted about the book in the Books & Articles section!