Letter to myself

[rainydiary]

Dear Rainy,

Today you noticed depressed feelings at the thought of going back to work.

You feel like it doesn't matter what you do, that no one cares.

You have so many ideas and feel like there is no one to hear them.

You feel like people just want you to do your work in a way that they think you should do without considering the merit in your perspective.

You feel like it isn't possible to work without becoming a target and experiencing bullying and gaslighting.

Your heart feels heavy because you deeply care about children and doing what you can to support those you meet. 

You see patterns and want to impact systems.

You want someone to notice how hard you work.

You want to feel like you are part of a team.

You want to put your ideas into action but don't know how.

I am writing this to say I notice these things and I care about you.  I notice all the weight you carry and how hard you are working to lighten that load.

This past year was especially hard.  People hurt you and let you down.  You continue to demonstrate resilience.  I think the time has come to let go of some things.  You don't always have to bounce back.  It is ok to feel the hurt.  You will always do what is needed.

This coming school year I hope you will find opportunities to adjust defensiveness if that is supportive.  I hope that you put your energy and passion into something you care about and let the rest slide.  I hope that you take days off for yourself.  I hope you hold onto the light that makes you you.

[woodsgnome]

I hope this letter to yourself helps out. At least it promises to start you off in a more comfortable position regarding the challenges that might arise in such a fluid environment.

Many times we talk quite glibly about self-help, as if it's like water coming out of a tap. In fact, when one tries self-care it can instead seem like the line is broken or something, and the relief we seek just can't be forced out. So it takes gumption to enter the process, but then you've decided to risk trusting yourself with this message of encouragement.

Now you'll have your letter to remind you that it's okay not to have to always feel perfectly okay, including things that might have hurt you before. They don't have to, but of course it's still a troubling possibility. Still, you've decided to confront the fear upfront, which gives you even footing, because in the past it was usually fear that prevailed.

Again, all the best as you boldly move forward.