Miscellaneous ramblings of NarcKiddo

[Chart]

It seems there is some sort of yearning for a loving mother even though as far as I can tell every single part of me loathes and fears my actual mother and wants nothing to do with her.

It's the contrast between the primal attachment need which is universal and unconditional, and what you ended up actually getting...

I explicitly reject nearly EVERYTHING my mother is interested in. I don't even feel bad about it anymore. I KNOW... if mom's into it, it's toxic... or dumb. Might sound infantile, but 57 years of reinforced direct experience doesn't lie.

I think keeping distance and barriers is totally healthy. And Safety is compromised when toxic people access our "safe geographic zones". Plain as a pikestaff!
 

[sanmagic7]

NK, i've had that yearning most all my life for my father to let me know he's proud of me.  something unfulfilled, it feels like to me, something unsatisfied at a primal level.  dang.  we needed all these things, and got few if any.  sucks.  love and hugs