uggg, four years of SE and in the doldrums

[Redwing1972]

uggg, four years of SE+ and in the doldrums, I now understand why Pete Walker is so firm about this being a lifetime project. Luckily I am an old guy (72) so I don't have much more time to suffer, lol.
Realizing also that no one therapy is going to work all the time. My therapist uses a variety of modalities, as well as I myself read and practice ideas and skills form various folks. Read a lovely book of Stephen Levine: Unattended Sorrow, some beautiful stuff in there.
Also two books by Judith Blackstone: Trauma and The Unbound Body, and Belonging Here:  A guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person. I really thought I had found gold with these, but as ever it was fools gold, there is no quick or easy fix....
One breath at a time, but some days the pain is just too much...yes??
Redwing

[Kizzie]

I hear you Redwing and can relate.  I am 65 and although I too have made progress, I find myself depressed that so much of my life is still about dealing with CPTSD/RTR.

  if it helps 

[Redwing1972]

 
thx Kizzie

[Armee]

Yup, one breath at a time and lots of tiny baby steps forward and then sometimes we are rewarded by looking back and seeing that we've actually moved forward.

[woodsgnome]

The observation you noticed in Walker's book that 'recovery' from Cptsd is a lifelong project also hit me square on when I came across it. So many experts want to bypass what to many of us is the reality we live with -- this doesn't go away, but each day we can learn more.

And in our search, we find lots (almost too much) of varying approaches and need to weave our own way within all the books and programs. The most important takeaway is that, as you say, there really is no overall, permanent fix. It's easy to get discouraged about that.

Something I like to do is re-label assumptions. One example -- instead of considering this condition as needing recovery of some life I never had anyway, to instead consider it as more of a discovery path. On it, I discover some things that make sense, others not so much, then blend what I can together, like the alchemists of old, incorporating my heart-sense to craft a new picture of life less about repair and more about building a new life entirely; re-writing what was a tragedy into a tragi-comedy of sorts. The old stuff is moved off of center stage, but it's not the main story anymore.

That said, I've noticed a gradual lessening of anxiety over the  after-shocks of earlier life, and more intrigue with who and what I've become now -- not in terms of worldly success but oriented more towards what truly matters, if I'm to get anything out of what this life has been about.

May you keep discovering ways to help your project towards discovering a more wholesome life. One that you're really never done growing into. You've already taken many of these steps towards what can still be better about life. Regardless of age, it's good to see you still on the discovery trail.