Tangling with Someone Who Suffers from NPD

[Kizzie]

Tks BB and MNG    Feels like it's time for a big group hug 

[dollyvee]

The good news is I was not triggered into a BIG EF per se, just into anger and memories of how impossible NPD behaviour is to deal with, why it is so traumatizing and why I will never put myself in the position ever again of having to deal regularly with anyone who has NPD.  Not a bad reminder but it also sparks a forlorn wish that NPD were not as prevalent as it seems to be to me.

Yes! This is a great way to look at it (and helps me reframe my own experience of NPD). That NPD behaviour is impossible to deal with - there's no rationalizing it or amount of what did I do/what could I have done differently to change it. So good that you recognize the signs and can set the boundary to emotionally remove yourself. 

I think I usually get stuck at recognizing the bad behaviour, but feel like I'm stuck in the situation and have to deal with it.

[Kizzie]

Speaking for myself DV, it got easier as I went along to the point where I can spot an N across the room, generally because they have managed to focus all attention on themselves. 

What really helped me was our sister site Out of the FOG which is specifically for those of us dealing with someone with a PD. It's here if you want to take a look - https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/.  There are some great tools for dealing with/extricating yourself from N behav there as well.

These days just Googling narcissism will bring up all kinds of great articles and books about NPD and I suspect there will be many more what with Trump being the poster child for this PD. Reassuring and scary at the same time.

[dollyvee]

Thank you Kizzie, I didn't know about that site.

Haha well, it's also the practice of not being able to get drawn into ppl's PD and know what is "old stuff." Thankfully, I have been able to see that it gets better with time, practice and understanding.

Yes, I find Trump v. upsetting and other politics going on in the world when it just feels so out of control. It's like being back with someone who abused you. Yr not alone in feeling scared there but the election was a relief.

[Kraggy]

Hi Kizzie, I know this isnt new (and Im glad in fact - because  that means the humdinger was dealt with!) so the trolling NPDs that wind up in a NPD survivor healing space, they know no boundaries and limits do they? Sorry you had to deal with it and glad you could not let it get under your skin too much. You wrote: "The good news is I was not triggered into a BIG EF per se, just into anger and memories of how impossible NPD behaviour is to deal with, why it is so traumatizing and why I will never put myself in the position ever again of having to deal regularly with anyone who has NPD.  Not a bad reminder but it also sparks a forlorn wish that NPD were not as prevalent as it seems to be to me. " Does EF mean Emotional Fog / Fugue? I never came across that one yet...
But more importantly, so glad you were able to experience it without it troubling you much. How are you able to do that? Just curious how you develop that particular strength. And Thanks!

[Blueberry]

Hi Kraggy,
EF = Emotional Flashback
It's used by Pete Walker whose books are linked here on the forum and are helpful for a lot of us. 

[Kizzie]

The only way N's don't get under my skin is that I stay as far away from them as possible and when I do encounter one, I leave as soon as possible. 

Here's the link to Pete Walker's site - http://www.pete-walker.com/.