Letter to Former Workplace

[rainydiary]

Dear "Colleagues,"

I want to write nasty words and send them to you.  I want to hurt you like you hurt me.  And yet would that actually make me feel better?

As I grow into my knowledge and understanding that I am autistic, it makes the way you treated me feel even worse. 

You crushed me.
You destroyed my spirit.
You left me feeling small.
You took advantage of me.

And I blame myself.  I hate you, but because you aren't here anymore, I turn it on myself. 

I wish I knew if you think about me.  I wish I knew that you felt sorry for how you acted.  I wish I could move past this.

I wish the pit in my stomach would go away.  I wish the images of your faces would fade.  You pressed against my childhood abuse and used my healing against me.  I trusted you and you betrayed me.

I also left.  I could have stayed and continued to endure your treatment.  But I didn't.  And I think that leaving was the only way I could send a message.

I hurt still and am not sure what to do with that hurt.