Guideline Reminder - Off Board Relationships

[Kizzie]

From time to time we pull out a member guideline and post it here as a reminder of what is and isn't allowed at OOTS and/or how to stay safe.  This one falls into the latter category and isn't meant to scare anyone, rather it is just to serve as a small reminder that not everyone is who they purport to be so do be careful if you are PMing/emailing with members off board.

Off-Board Information/Relationships

Protecting the confidentiality and privacy of members at OOTS is paramount to our members' sense of safety and community.  One risk to this lies in using the Private Message (PM) feature or emailing in off-board relationships, and revealing personal information to someone who is not trustworthy. While building friendships here at OOTS is encouraged, the fact of the matter is this is the Internet and people are not always who they say they are.

You are not obliged to answer any PM you receive or to provide any personal information to any individual, no matter how friendly or trustworthy they may appear. If you receive a first time PM which seems inappropriate, report it and the Moderators will discuss it with the sender. Members are strongly encouraged to go slowly and cautiously in any off-board PM relationship. If you start having red flags or the relationship has devolved into something negative, please be aware that Moderators cannot become involved in what inevitably turns into a "he said, she said" situation.  What we recommend if you do experience this, is to: a) end the relationship immediately; and, b) block the person's emails/PMs.

In terms of privacy and confidentiality, please be clear that members having personal information about another member they have learned off-board shall not disclose it to anyone other than in discussions with the Site Manager/ Moderators regarding problematic behaviour.  This is considered a serious breach of privacy and extends to the contents of any personal communications including email, personal messages, texts and telephone/face-to-face conversations.  Any information of this nature which is posted in the forum will be modified or removed by the moderator and the member warned. If it comes to light that this information was revealed to members other than the Site Manager/Moderators, the member will be warned and if there is a pattern of disclosing other members' private information, the member will be banned.     

Please respect the privacy of others as you wish your own privacy to be respected so that we keep OOTS a safe haven in which everyone can focus on their recovery.   

[Kizzie]

I am pinging this to remind all members of this guideline which is in place to help keep everyone safe.  Sadly we don't know who is who on the internet and there are those we definitely don't want to engage with and give out any personal information about ourselves (which is why we are anonymous). 

I had to make the difficult decision to ban a member today because they frightened another member in PMs and was starting to make inappropriate/questionable posts here. Please know I do not do this lightly but have dealt with this kind of issue since 2014 and have learned to trust my decisions.

Sometimes it is a member who may appear supportive and friendly but starts to show who they really are as time goes on and that is what has happened in this case.  This member may or may not have been a troll but they exist on the Internet and they often take the approach of being really friendly.  Once members start to like them and relax around them they then start subtly disrupting the board and pushing boundaries & guidelines, seeing how far they can take things and what they can get away with. (Lots of vids and docs about trolls but here's a good one - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDACegAYuso.)

This may or may not have been the case with this particular member but for everyone's safety I have enough concern to ban them. 

Kizzie

[Bach]

Thank you for all you do, Kizzie. I DO feel safe here even during my current very unsafe-feeling time. I can't help wishing there was more I could say or do to express the sincerity of my gratitude, because I am so used to having my sincere feelings devalued, but I will take a deep breath, look around this little virtual haven, and remember that you know

[Kizzie]

There's nothing more you need to say, how you feel is coming through loud and clear.  Tks