Just started talking, now having increased physical symptoms ?

[Marzipan]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but here goes. I've been seeing a therapist for about a year, but only recently started delving into some of the events in my childhood. During my last session I got into more detail about something, and while I believe that getting into these things will ultimately be the right thing to do to help me eventually move forward (I hope!) I'm struggling now with an intense increase in some physical symptoms. The whole day after my session I had a weird, terrible headache, and today, there is a gnawing feeling in my stomach that is hard to ignore. And just, so tired. I just want to hide under a blanket in the dark.  I feel that these sensations are probably connected to me starting to talk about some bad memories of difficult things, but is this normal, and is there anything I can do to help alleviate it? It has felt like despite being aware of how much I'm doing it, I'm clenching the muscles in my stomach and jaw to an unhealthy level. It seems like being aware and actively trying to relax makes no difference. It's like my body is in conspiracy with a part of my mind that is not the main part of my operating system that I have conscious access to or control of. I don't know if that makes sense. I just feel a bit hijacked and definitely am uncomfortable. Could these sensations be telling me something apart from I have a lot of anxiety right now that I'm not controlling well? Any insight into what might help? Thank you 😞

[Armee]

I somehow lost what I wrote  earlier, sorry.

it's normal  at least in my personal experience. It's worth paying attention but trying to accept and not freak out about it too. Pay attention and tell your T and go slower than slow until you know how it will affect you and know how to stay somewhat ok. Sometimes something I would work on with T that seemed fairly innocuous would cause a flare up in urges to hurt myself or physical flashbacks. It's important to communicate what's happening. Normal grounding things would not always help me so I had to find my own tricks to settle things a little depending on what was gong on. Be a little creative if you need to. It's also not unusual for relaxation tricks to be triggering too. In which case you can slowly adjust to things. Like maybe deep breathing for only 1 or 2 breaths until that gets less scary, then adding a couple more until that gets bearable etc. For dissociation if that's an issue for you, doing something active is more helpful than calming down.

But really good job trying to tackle this stuff. It's best to go slow. Very slow is much better than fast. Fast backfires with trauma in my experience. Good job reaching out here too! What you are doing is very hard. It's going to get better.

[rainydiary]

It is "normal" in my experience.  I think it takes practice to find what helps ease the physical reactions.  It takes practice to let oneself "feel good." 

[woodsgnome]

So sorry you're experiencing these difficulties. My experience, too, has been full of these painful unexpected twists. Taking a new step like you've been experiencing seems like it jolts the 'system' a bit, as you're in the process of changing an important part of your life.

It can be discouraging, but a very normal impact, especially at first. Hopefully your T will be able to work with boosting up your perspective as well. I made several awkward jabs with unwanted symptoms but, as Armee reminded, going slow and easy on myself helped. The setbacks are not your fault, but they're worth being with them as you continue turning the corner into a time when the flow of a better life will sustain your journey on.

[Blueberry]

Hi Marzipan,

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds very familiar and as such I can second everything the other 3 mbrs have already written. Going slow is important, even though of course we'd like to heal yesterday but unfortunately "the slower you go, the faster you heal" is one saying. Maybe not applicable to everybody but probably to most of us in some stages. Telling your T is a good idea.

Good going, being on your healing journey, it takes courage!