Respect

[Kizzie]

Tidy little tuck away saying I like:

"You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected."

[rainydiary]

I was thinking (more like feeling) on this topic earlier today.

I have struggled with this concept around respect especially with family.

I have not been a part of respectful families - my FOO and my in-laws model behavior and ways of relationships by that are hurtful to me.

I do think that we need other people that support us, but just because someone gave birth to me and just because I married someone doesn't mean those people can be so hurtful without me putting up boundaries.

[Kizzie]

I was just wandering around various forums and threads and re-read this "You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected."

I love it because as an adult I can do this, but I really couldn't as a kid.  To do anything like this would have brought more anger and abuse my way and that stays with you for a very long time.  I came to fear conflict but at some point in adulthood I went into fight mode with anyone (usually N types) who disrespected me or tried to manipulate me.  I didn't realize how much I needed to fight, to tap into the anger and that in essence I was fighting for my soul.  I eventually figured out there wasn't much point fighting with N's as they are great at turning things around, fending off anger, etc.  I learned to just walk away and with others who weren't Ns I figured out how to speak my truth more calmly and focus on the disrespectful behaviour versus the person.