Hi, I'm Fraying, and that's pretty descriptive...

Fraying · September 27, 2023, 04:41:54 PM

I'm in my late middle age and have been dealing with CPTSD for my whole life, as most of us have. However, I only got a name for it recently, even though I've been in therapy for a while.

A couple of weeks ago, instead of getting work done, I was surfing on YouTube and came across a description of CPTSD and thought, "Wow, that really seems familiar."

On Monday, during my therapy session, I told my therapist about my discovery and he said, "Oh, you definitely have CPTSD." I wish he'd told me sooner. We went on to have probably the best session we've had in over a year, then I started writing a blog about my experiences so that I can have someplace to write. I used to keep a hand-written journal, but it's much faster for me to type, nowadays. I hadn't found this place before I started my blog.

I'm in a committed relationship with my partner, and while there are a lot of issues there, they've been very supportive of me when I've bothered to communicate with them about the contents of my head. They've been difficult to deal with for the past few years, but now I'm beginning to think that was at least partially because I was not communicating well with them about how various things affect me internally. There are some things we will never agree on, and which I don't discuss with them (religion and politics, mainly), but at heart, they're a loving, caring person who loves and cares about me. I need to learn to trust them with my emotions.

I've read through all the rules before I made an account and before I posted here. It's all still very overwhelming to me, so please forgive me if I don't respond quickly or don't engage with a lot of posts. Right now, my edges are fraying, so this randomly-generated user name suits me.

Rickp · September 27, 2023, 05:48:22 PM

Welcome Fraying. Although I do not have the "c" in cptsd I do suffer similar feelings with just regular ptsd. It took me a while to reach out and though I'm not on the forum a lot, everyone here has made me feel at home. Good for you for joining and don't be reluctant to talk. Take care

Papa Coco · September 27, 2023, 05:50:27 PM

Fraying,

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found the term CPTSD. Like you, I struggled for decades with what appeared to be an unlucky pile of seemingly unrelated issues that needed all different kinds of attention. When I was finally diagnosed, in my mid-forties, with PTSD, it began tying all the symptoms together. Then when C-PTSD was identified a few years ago, my PTSD diagnosis suddenly made sense. (I had struggled for years with trying to figure out how I could have PTSD when I'd never been to war or in a plane crash). Complex PTSD finally made sense. Needless to say, the first 25 years of therapy did me no good. But after the diagnosis, and finding a good trauma therapist, my healing journey has begun to really improve my life.

Sometimes I think it's good to remember that most of the world suffers with trauma disorders, but only a tiny percentage of us spend our lives searching for help. And I believe the old saying, Seek and you shall find. No one can help if we don't seek help. You can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink. We searched for connection with other like minded people, and that's why we found each other.

I think we all need to respect how much courage it takes us to join this forum. Most of us are living in the fear of being slapped down by others if we open up and be honest about what we're feeling. So joining a global forum where we talk about our most intimite stressors is something not everyone can do.

Courage is not fearlessness. Courage is being afraid and moving forward anyway. It's always nice to see good souls like you gathering up the courage to join this group of strangers. For me, the courage to join this group has paid me back many times over by proving that it feels SO GOOD to talk with people who feel the same stressors as I do.

I joined 2 years ago. I've never once felt attacked, belittled, disagreed with...I have found a community of people who put compassion ahead of judgement. I'm glad you have a partner who supports you. I'm glad you found a therapist who knows what CPTSD is. And I'm glad you found a community of people who, no matter how different our backstories are, we all ended up in the same lifeboat, and we are all supportive of each other because we all know what it feels like to have CPTSD.

Please don't feel like you are obligated to share more than you feel comfortable sharing. This forum has no agenda. We're not therapists. We're in a lifeboat together and we respect each other. While keeping with the forum rules, you can share as much or as little as you want at any time. As you meet the members of this group, you'll probably notice that most of us have a history of deleting our own posts because we felt open and bold when we wrote them, but later felt massive anxiety that we'd said too much. One very awesome feature of this forum is that we can delete or edit posts after we've posted them. So...if you ever do feel like you shared too much, you can calm yourself by deleting parts or all of anything you wish you hadn't shared. I only say that because it's a feature of this forum that brings me a great deal of peace. Sometimes I just feel like I shouldn't have said something, so instead of fleeing the forum and hiding from the group, I calm my anxiety by deleting part or all of the post that has me feeling afraid I'd said too much. On a very positive note, I don't delete much anymore, because I've just found that no matter what I've said...if I leave it there, I find compassionate and kind responses to it. It took a while to get that comfortable, but because of the kindness on this forum, that fear is coming over me in smaller doses, and far less often than it used to.

Welcome to the forum!

Fraying · September 27, 2023, 06:32:29 PM

Thank you! That helps a lot.

Bert · September 28, 2023, 09:06:46 AM

Hi Fraying,

It's nice to meet and connect with you. Thank you for sharing your intro.

I too am a new user here, and for me this place has been a great resource. It certainly was something "different", as I haven't ever interacted with an online community of sorts (I don't have any social media, I never leave commentary on any online media, etc).

Funnily enough, your discovery of CPTSD is exactly like mine. I've been working with my therapist for close to a year without it ever being mentioned. It wasn't until I learned about it through chance and consequently raised it with her, that she must've felt comfortable to address that fact with me. She mentioned it was questionable whether a "label" would positively or negatively affect me, given my character. I can only report that that moment was a significant turning point for me.

I hope to see you around

NarcKiddo · September 28, 2023, 02:21:09 PM

Hello, and welcome.

My therapist never mentioned CPTSD either, although it is a recognised condition in the UK, where I am. She knows I have found out about it and identify with it and is quite happy to discuss it with me, but like Bert's T she seems not to be keen on affixing a label on me. That is fine so long as she does not deny my experiences, which she does not. I was surprised when she was prepared to state in writing to me that I certainly had an abusive childhood.

I'm glad you are in a committed and loving relationship. I also fully resonate with not always sharing the contents of your head. I very rarely do. Since starting therapy I have started cautiously sharing more with my husband and the results have generally been good. He has always been supportive but he himself comes from a very dysfunctional background so we have to be a bit careful with one another. That's OK - it means he can identify with my issues and I with his. It is probably why the relationship has endured.

I'm sorry you have to deal with CPTSD and that your edges are fraying at the moment. We are all familiar with frayed edges, I think. I have found this forum to be very supportive and I am sure you will find the same. See you around.

Fraying · September 28, 2023, 08:45:54 PM

Thanks, Bert and NarcKiddo.

storyworld · September 28, 2023, 10:50:37 PM

Good to "meet" you! I'm glad you found this group and that you have answers to your symptoms in the CPS diagnosis.

dollyvee · September 30, 2023, 07:37:07 AM

Quote from: Papa Coco on September 27, 2023, 05:50:27 PMFraying,

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found the term CPTSD. Like you, I struggled for decades with what appeared to be an unlucky pile of seemingly unrelated issues that needed all different kinds of attention. When I was finally diagnosed, in my mid-forties, with PTSD, it began tying all the symptoms together. Then when C-PTSD was identified a few years ago, my PTSD diagnosis suddenly made sense. (I had struggled for years with trying to figure out how I could have PTSD when I'd never been to war or in a plane crash). Complex PTSD finally made sense. Needless to say, the first 25 years of therapy did me no good. But after the diagnosis, and finding a good trauma therapist, my healing journey has begun to really improve my life.

Sometimes I think it's good to remember that most of the world suffers with trauma disorders, but only a tiny percentage of us spend our lives searching for help. And I believe the old saying, Seek and you shall find. No one can help if we don't seek help. You can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink. We searched for connection with other like minded people, and that's why we found each other.

I think we all need to respect how much courage it takes us to join this forum. Most of us are living in the fear of being slapped down by others if we open up and be honest about what we're feeling. So joining a global forum where we talk about our most intimite stressors is something not everyone can do.

Courage is not fearlessness. Courage is being afraid and moving forward anyway. It's always nice to see good souls like you gathering up the courage to join this group of strangers. For me, the courage to join this group has paid me back many times over by proving that it feels SO GOOD to talk with people who feel the same stressors as I do.

I joined 2 years ago. I've never once felt attacked, belittled, disagreed with...I have found a community of people who put compassion ahead of judgement. I'm glad you have a partner who supports you. I'm glad you found a therapist who knows what CPTSD is. And I'm glad you found a community of people who, no matter how different our backstories are, we all ended up in the same lifeboat, and we are all supportive of each other because we all know what it feels like to have CPTSD.

Please don't feel like you are obligated to share more than you feel comfortable sharing. This forum has no agenda. We're not therapists. We're in a lifeboat together and we respect each other. While keeping with the forum rules, you can share as much or as little as you want at any time. As you meet the members of this group, you'll probably notice that most of us have a history of deleting our own posts because we felt open and bold when we wrote them, but later felt massive anxiety that we'd said too much. One very awesome feature of this forum is that we can delete or edit posts after we've posted them. So...if you ever do feel like you shared too much, you can calm yourself by deleting parts or all of anything you wish you hadn't shared. I only say that because it's a feature of this forum that brings me a great deal of peace. Sometimes I just feel like I shouldn't have said something, so instead of fleeing the forum and hiding from the group, I calm my anxiety by deleting part or all of the post that has me feeling afraid I'd said too much. On a very positive note, I don't delete much anymore, because I've just found that no matter what I've said...if I leave it there, I find compassionate and kind responses to it. It took a while to get that comfortable, but because of the kindness on this forum, that fear is coming over me in smaller doses, and far less often than it used to.

Welcome to the forum!

Welcome to the forum Fraying. I hope you find what you need here.

Sending you support,
dolly