Physical Ailments with CPTSD - Part 1

[Rainydaze]

  to everyone.

Has anyone found that illness arrives afterthe trauma? When I was still in contact with my father I was physically okay while I was ignoring the past abuse and pretending that things were normal, it was when I became aware of narcissistic abuse and realising the truth of the situation that things started becoming a toll on my body. Towards the end of our contact I developed IBS which flares up when I'm stressed, but thankfully not so often now that we don't have contact. 6 months ago a blood test came back saying that my thyroid was borderline and since then I've started to get more and more tired and irritable about the fact that I wantto do so much but just don't have the energy.  I'm having another blood test soon to see if there's been any change in my levels, plus a blood sugar test. I'm almost hopeful that the tests will shown that things are worse so that I can get medication and start to feel better. I think there is a definite link between emotional and physical health and I feel angry that it got that bad. 

[Blueberry]

Another physical ailment:

i've had this one quite a long time. It comes and goes. Urinary incontinence.

Often when I take a step forwards in my healing or even just in my ideas, urinary incontinence gets bad. It's not a muscular problem, that' s all been checked. It's more as if there's just too much and my body can't contain that any more. So lots of breakthroughs over past few days. Then last night in the middle of the night.... Great. Not.

As I said, I've had the problem quite a while but not forever. It started a few years into my intensive healing work.

[Sceal]

I have the same problem Blueberry. Although, I haven't checked it out, but I am fairly certain it's muscular.
Although for me it's just a little bit here and there throughout the day. I don't feel it though, but it's there.

It sucks. It really does. So I know what you mean by

Great. Not.

You're brave for sharing!  , if it's okay?

[Blueberry]

  is great Sceal. As usual helps to know I'm not the only one.

Mine really is a psychological thing. In the daytime I can even hold it back to a certain extent by talking to the ICs just to give myself enough time to rush to the toilet. It's definitely helpful to talk to them on the way and then praise "Great!  we / you made it!". Or if I /we don't make it, then "it's OK, that happens sometimes. We'll just clear the mess up together, do some laundry."

[Sceal]

I'm fairly certain mine is trauma related.
Sounds like you have a great attitude towards it though. And also very forgiving towards your self. That's really good! wonderful to hear!

[Blueberry]

Thanks! But as usual it took me quite a while to get to this forgiving state! Always a process.

Mine is presumably trauma-related as well. Especially since talking to the ICs is so helpful. Just one IC might not be a trauma thing. Some people refer to their creativity, playfulness etc as an IC, but once you have quite a few ICs that you're juggling in daily life, I imagine you're likely to have some sort of trauma problem. Just my layperson view of course.

[DecimalRocket]

Well, I had a few disabilties I was born with, but cPTSD makes it worse. Sensory processing disorder already makes my senses oversensitive, and trauma just makes this extra painful. I'm kinda delayed with fine motor movements, and I've lost the ability to write or even grasp things when really stressed .

It's gotten a lot better though after months of weekly treatments. I last longer in overstimulating environments, and if I can't write, I have a tablet to type with everywhere though.  Especially useful when fine motor control for my voice err. . . while a lot less common decides to bail on me. Noise cancelling headphones too.

[Blueberry]

An old one of my physical ailments returned today: really sore throat and inside of mouth. I used to get it all the time when I said, wrote or even thought something that FOO had forbidden me from saying. During the time I was 'breaking down' until I finally broke down completely, I had this pain all the time. So things are 'much improved' in that it's only occasional. But still, pain is pain. I also know in my case that no painkillers or anything else like heat treatment worked against the pain. The ailments cleared up and moved somewhere else. No, the pain is really a message from my psyche to me. atm I'm expressing stuff to FOO though not sending yet.

[Blueberry]

The good news is: I don't have arthritis in my knees! X-ray today at orthopedic doc's brought that surprising information.

otoh, what do I have? What is causing intermittent pain so bad I occasionally need crutches? CPTSD imho! (The gift that keeps on giving...   ) Probably armouring, also probably my wonky feet, the diagnosis in English seems to be splayfoot, also called 'flat feet' in lay terms though not quite accurate. It's getting worse, both feet are splaying out more and more. Today I got a new prescription for orthopedic insoles. imho they don't do very much, maybe they slow the process down a bit, but that's all. I've been getting prescriptions for them and wearing them for decades. At least the orthop. didn't say: "Do more exercise and lose weight" because that would have been triggering and very difficult to accomplish w/o dropping back in some other facet of healing.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm glad you don't have knee arthritis, Blueberry.

I agree with your conclusion that CPTSD is playing a part. I have various physical issues that I can clearly link to CPTSD now I know more about the physical manifestations.

I would also agree with your conclusion that your feet are playing a part. Any problem with foot or hip mechanics tends to play out with knee pain even if there is nothing intrinsically wrong with the mechanics of the knee, because all the forces of locomotion pass through the knee, which is quite a small and fragile joint given what it has to do. If you are able to tolerate a physiotherapist appointment I wonder whether that might be beneficial in terms of getting some targeted exercises for your legs that might strengthen the muscles that support the knees. Such exercises have helped my husband enormously and he has horrendous arthritis. I know you don't but the only thing that really supports an angry knee is good musculature around it. There are plenty of exercises that are not hideously taxing and can be done at home in burst when you have time/inclination. No equipment needed other than, perhaps, some rubber resistance bands which are cheap and easy to source. Even a bit of foot massage (such as rolling a ball under your feet) could be helpful. I am a great fan of physiotherapists - I think they are unsung heroes in many cases.

[Blueberry]

Thanks NK

Physical exercise or shall we say regular physical movement is very difficult for me, also very exhausting so presumably triggering. In fact writing and thinking regular physical movement is less triggering than phys.ex. which is why I wrote out the second terminology. So even the terminology is a problem - the actual activity is far worse as is trying to do any regularly.

I just found a good explanation of splayfoot by googling, which was helpful in explaining the affect on my whole foot including the heel which has got worse in the last year or two.

Actually I had a physio appt for tomorrow but it got cancelled so have to wait another 2 weeks for the next one. I'm getting better at remembering to run my feet over a spiky massage ball and at least mobilising my toes. When I was inpatient, I was doing leg-strengthening exercises regularly and maybe I'll manage to get back to that. Not that it's connected, but just this week I've managed to start going to church again, which certainly inspires me to sing - a good thing! Maybe leg-strengthening exercises will come back soon too I'm also beginning to listen to music again and to move my body to it, following my body's impulses. May not strengthen per se, but it does reduce the armouring a bit. I also read just today that taping actually helps, it did when I was inpatient too, so time to order a roll of tape for my feet and knees.

I agree on your opinion on physiotherapists, the good ones I have had over the years knew so much about the interconnection of well everything and could feel what was going on w/o me having to explain and 'prove' etc. More recently, they obviously understand the armouring as well and nod when I mention cptsd.

[Kizzie]

I'm going to lock this topic as we reached page 6 and normally and start a Part 2 after page 5.