Glad to have found this forum

[pianoplant]

Hey I'm in my early 40s and just learned about this site. I have a lot of childhood trauma that's been tough to work through. I grew up with extremely emotionally immature parents and experienced severe bullying throughout my formative years. My dad is a severe but functional alcoholic and my mother coped with it by constant screaming at her children. There was no adult I could turn to with anything. I've also been a part of a lot exploitative relationships in adulthood because of my childhood and the shame I feel from those relationships is debilitating. I had a therapist one time tell me I have a "trauma brain." I'm slowly working my way through Pete Walkers CPTSD book and Kristen Neff's Self-compassion. I've also started EMDR therapy but that's been a pretty slow process too but I'm gonna stick with it and trust that it works.

One of the hardest things about my mental health issues is that I feel so isolated. Forming authentic relationships as an adult is hard enough, and with my interpersonal trauma, it sometimes feels impossible. I've been guilty of trauma dumping in the past and I'm trying to be more aware of it now. So I'm really glad this resource exists and there are others here who can relate. Thanks for reading.

[Armee]

Hey there and welcome. So glad you found us.

I'm sorry for everything you've been through. The more piled on us the longer it seems to take. I've been doing EMDR for about 2 years which yes is much slower than it is "supposed" to take but I feel like it really does help with fixing the broken links in my own trauma brain. It seems for me to be working better too as my therapist started mixing in parts work/ifs style stuff into the emdr.

Just wanted to share that it's been slow but helpful for me, too. No 8 week miracle cure for us with complex trauma.

[Hope67]

Hi Pianoplant,
Welcome 
I am also glad you've found us. 
Hope 

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome! I'm sorry you have a need to be here, but glad you have found us.

[Kizzie]

Hi Pianoplant - I come from a very similar background.  My F was a high functioning alcoholic and my M took it out on us.  She was a covert narcissist though and made it seem like she was a very good mother but behind closed doors it was a different story. 

Anyway, you can trauma dump here and we won't run away which is a relief. Plus there really is a sense of belonging once you feel that everyone here "gets it" and that you are not so different.

Welcome 

[RedRachel]

Hi Pianoplant

I'm also in my 40s, and discovered Pete Walker's book very recently. Reading about C-PTSD has given me such relief and understanding and comfort. I realise that I too may have played out trauma dumping in some of my friendships - learning how to be self-regulating is so hard. I had my first session with a trauma therapist yesterday, and will be starting EMDR next week. The task feels big but knowing there are so many other people out there processing similar wounds helps

[Larry]

welcome 

[Papa Coco]

Pianoplant,

Welcome to the forum. I'm in my early 60s and have also read Pete Walker's book. I've been in talk therapy most of my life. I often described myself as being all alone on a crowded planet.  I joined this forum 2 1/2 years ago and I just realized that It's been months now since I've felt that loneliness. I think being able to converse freely with so many people here has made a huge difference in my sense of loneliness. I still struggle with myriad problems, and I still tend to isolate physically for days on end just to feel safe, but I just realized that, "Oh my gosh! I haven't been feeling so deeply lonely as I used to."

I love the people on this forum. They have brought me much peace. I hope others feel the same bond to some degree.