Upcoming events with family

[Phoebes]

Ugh..so, my sibling is getting married. So you know NM, and flying monkeys will be there. It may even be AT her house! So, I already am feeling anxious and questioning if I will go. Which is sad.

The nephew has a thing. He is the singer at a thing his school is doing. So, they will all be there.

I feel like the only option is to move to the other side of the earth and lose my passport. I'm just really stressed. I keep wondering if I should write nm a letter but then what's the point.

[NarcKiddo]

I suppose the first question you need to ask yourself is whether you would want to go if NM was not there. If you would then you need to consider how much you are prepared to put up with to be there.

 

[Phoebes]

I am close to my sister despite her utter lack of support in my NC with NM. I would totally go, and I'd be excited about going if it weren't for NM and all the people in the family that believe her narrative.

I don't feel comfortable going to NM's house however. I don't feel welcome there by her husband who haaaaaaates me and doesn't have a clue about the truth of the situation.

[Kizzie]

Phoebes, would your sister understand if you told her you didn't want to attend because of your NM being there and it being held at her house? I mean told her why this would take too much out of you?

Years ago we actually moved across the country to get away from my family because the stress of events like this and other inevitable family things that kept coming up. Both going and not going just triggered me so badly. When you live far away though you don't have that constant stress. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe and think and just go anywhere without bumping into them - glorius! 

We basically went NC and LC with family because they were all so enmeshed in this N system - a bit lonely at first but often when I read stories on here about triggering encounters with family and friends in the N network I thank my lucky stars.  I don't think I would have lasted if we hadn't moved. 

[Phoebes]

I told her I wasn't sure if I would go if it was at NM's. I would like to go for her, it just sucks that it always and will always involve NM and her flying monkeys.

I love my niece and nephew and wanted to be their involved aunt, but my time with them is drastically reduced and now it seems even they believe the narrative that this is all my choice and issue. I think part of it is carried over by my GC sister even. She doesn't do anything to stop it.
I don't really know the details about that, it's just a hunch by the way they don't want to spend as much time with me, and when I'm there they stare at their phones or stay in their room. Regular teenagers? Maybe.

They will now all live in a house like the Brady bunch so my time there will be nil.

[Kizzie]

I'm so sorry to hear that Phoebes. If they are teenagers they undoubtedly will have their noses glued to their phones.  It just is these days.  My 31 year old came home at Xmas and was constantly on his phone or computer. It's part of how he functions in life - tied to social media that is.

Maybe use that to keep in touch with them?  Send them texts, emails and/or call to stay in touch? And let them know they are very important to you and that you love them.  They may be a bit skittish about the last bit but as they grow into adults they will realize you didn't actually make a choice to stay clear of them. And at some point when they are old enough you can tell them the reality of you situation with your M.