Traveling alone as a woman

[katzy]

My narc husband has always lived his own life and does not want me included. I want to go somewhere by myself (no friends to ask) but am scared and think it's dangerous. I want to go to an island with beautiful beaches and blue water to fall asleep in the sun and calmness. I want to go to restaurants to eat by myself. I don't want to meet men while I am married.
Is life more dangerous than it used to be when I was naive and young.
Am I asking for trouble?
I just want to enjoy my life for a change. I am afraid of people.

[Dutch Uncle]

You could possibly look for a group-travel for singles. There's plenty where it's quite obvious (or even expressly stated) it's not a trip for dating.
There's plenty of married people who take such trips, for various reasons (spouse doesn't like holidays, doesn't like the destination the partner wants to go to, the spouse is bedridden, recently widow(er)s who don't want to date/remarry etc. etc.)

Any (semi-)organized trip is safe, unless it's obviously a hazard (the middle-east, crossing the desert, deep-sea diving etc.).
A tour-operator cold even have a host at the destination to smooth out anything.



Disclaimer: I'm not a woman.

[gidget]

I've done some travel alone (I am a woman) and some travel in (small 6-10 person) groups that were not expressly for singles. While I'm not afraid of other people, I find them generally disagreeable when we're in close quarters. As a result, I have had some very unpleasant moments in group travel. There's always a lot of time in small buses and vans, around cramped tables in small restaurants, and hanging out in lobbies waiting for everyone to gather when you just can't get away from someone's irritating personality. The advantages to group travel are many, though, particularly if you're traveling in a foreign country and your language skills are lacking. Last year I encouraged a co-worker to join a group trip with me. It was a nice mix of someone to travel with whom I knew a little bit and liked, and getting to know new people in a fun place/time. My coworker and I hadn't been working together for long, so I was a little unsure, but it turned out I really did like her a lot and her presence was a comfort and in no way intrusive. We each purchased the "single supplement" so there was no room-sharing, and the group we travelled with was friendly enough that we were able to flow in and out of each other's space without feeling like we had to be glued together or leave each other completely alone. It worked out, but I think it was more a matter of good group dynamics than anything else. A few months ago I booked another trip through the same company, this time traveling on my own, and the group dynamics were horrible. Within a day and a half I desperately wanted to go home, and would have if getting back to an airport had been any kind of reasonable option. A number of years ago now, I engaged in a personal project I called "52 Weekends" in which I treated every weekend as though I was a tourist and I travelled to many small towns and villages in the area. Most of these were day trips, but I had a number of weekends/long weekends when I would book a night or two at a B&B or Inn and wander the area for a couple of days. These were actually my favorite trips of all time. I was never more than a few hours from home, I spoke the language, I understood the culture, since I lived in the region, and I wasn't overwhelmed by travel details and planning. A few local guidebooks and suggestions from friends and co-workers and I would have a destination, recommendations for good food and drink, and some interesting natural phenomenon or historical village to explore. Unlike long-distance travel, people show no intrusive curiosity about where you're from and why you're traveling alone when you stay in the region. You don't need to worry beyond everyday caution about having your money stolen, your luggage lost, or being taken advantage of by the locals. And if you do it enough, you really get to know your region of the world in a way that few other people ever do. In fact, I think I've talked myself into getting started in doing this again

[Trees]

Though I haven't traveled much the last few years, I have in the past traveled alone, in this country and in others.  When going to other countries, I would do a lot of reading in advance about where I was going.  There should be a lot of information online and in books about wherever you might want to go. 

Armed with information, it is possible to plan a trip that is probably as safe as staying at home.  (And everywhere I went was a whole lot safer than the life I had survived as a child at "home" !!)

Happy travels to you!

[Widdiful Falling]

As a martial artist, I've gotta say that while self-defense classes are kind of useful, without practice, most people can't pull off anything new they've  learned under duress. In the heat of the moment, you react first, and think later. Imo, self-defense classes are counterproductive sometimes, because they create a sense of confidence which drives some people to stay in dangerous situations they would otherwise back out of. If you encounter a dangerous situation, the best defense is to not be in that situation. Be alert if you're travelling alone. Don't wear headphones. Don't carry obvious valuables. High heels, designer bags (especially if carried on one shoulder), or putting your phone or wallet in your back pocket all make you an easy mark as well. If your proactive protection fails, do what you need to do to get away from the situation. You're not going to be able to take down a fully grown man with the intent to harm you after 6 weeks of hastily learned martial arts.

Travelling with a group sounds safer. You're a lot less likely to have something go wrong.

Good luck, and I hope you take your trip. Sandy beaches sound wonderful. 

[katzy]

Thank you for all the ideas and warnings. I need courage and confidence to face the consequences, not knowing if it would make home life worse. My misplaced guilty feelings and fantasy he will change, or is something he is not take over. I can barely go to the store with my agoraphobia. I can't remember what day it is much less the date. He has control of me and with each catastrophe I lose more memory, but I can't break away. Not a good day today.

[gidget]

http://solotravelerblog.com/afraid-to-travel-alone-5-steps/