Emotional flashback lasting 3 months??

[discocole]

Can anyone else relate? I've been told I have c-PTSD due to abandonment from my mother.  After therapy and understanding why I am the way I am, I was finally able to divorce my husband of 15 yrs last year.(he was a serial cheater).  It needed to be done, but I have found myself even more miserable now that I'm alone.  I've had a couple of boyfriends since the divorce, both of which didn't work out.  But I have found that even though the breakups were mutual or I ended them, I am beyond devastated when they end. 

I have minimal joy.  I sit at home, profoundly depressed, or panicky and shaking. Sometimes my brain gets flooded with all the negative things and all the pain I've endured in my life and then I get a panic attack.  I'm extremely hopeless about the future.  I have a good life, good kids, good job, and a lot of friends.  But life feels meaningless without a romantic relationship or a family. I have only been single for 4 months and I feel like I'm dying.  I hate that I'm this way. 

I'm triggered by literally everything, particularly ppl talking about either their great relationships or conversely how crappy the dating scene is. 

I'm taking some time off(at least six months) to heal from this last relationship and stay away from dating.  But from what I hear, healing from this is a life-long process.  So can I never date again? Will I always choose bad men? My hopelessness and fear over this whole thing is extreme.  Logically in my mind, I know I have the capability to be happy as a single person.  But the thought of being alone forever sends me into another panic.  I have a hard time seeing myself get out of this hole.

I have a therapist.  A gym membership.  Make sure to get out with friends regularly. Do meditation, gratitude journaling, affirmations, and manifesting daily. Nothing is working.  One day I feel almost euphoric, the next I want to die. Not sure what more I need to be doing.

[Armee]

It does take time but things will start to feel a bit more even and stable with steady work in therapy. The way I see it taking a break from dating is a temporary way to sort of stabilize things while you work on the hardest parts of healing and to avoid bringing more distress in in the short term. It does get better even if there are some symptoms of cptsd that flare up periodically throughout life. It isn't always this hard. But it does take a lot of ups and downs and backward progress too. Just keep going. 1 step forward, 3 back but eventually that reverses and its 3 forward and 1 back.

[Chart]

I can relate. Boy can I relate. This is exactly 100% what I'm experiencing at this very moment.

It's no coincidence I just read your post discocole... Now I have to find the energy to write it all out... oof, spent the day on a roof...
Sorry but I'm gonna write more on this in my journal... will try to link it afterwards...

[Chart]

Here's a link to what I just posted in my journal:
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15964.165

[Cascade]

Hi Group,
I just had my 3-month emotional flashback anniversary on June 1.  I've basically been stuck since March 1 (Professional Development Day at my previous place of employment, NOT coincidentally).  In the compassionate words of my new therapist, my nervous system is just completely shut down.  That's definitely what it feels like... a complete lack of all function.  Now I understand why it's important to be gentle with myself through this and not let my inner critic berate myself for not being motivated to be a "human doing," as Pete Walker says.  I'm a human being, and just being, just existing is good enough for now.

My own situation is rather different from discocole's.  Still, Armee's response is relevant to me, even six months later.  Thanks for sharing your wisdom and perspective, Armee! 

On a lighter note, Chart, maybe there is a tune that goes along with "Oof, spent the day on a roof... "   
??
and thanks for reviving this thread.

Thanks for being here everyone,
  -Cascade