Sometimes I Think I'm An Alien

[Rizzo]

I feel disconnected
As if there is a disconnection between me and the world
It's like I'm not made of the same stuff as everyone else
I've always felt this way.. from a very young age
Like some alien walking among everyone but with so many questions
So much fear
I wanted to feel like I belonged
And even in the moments when I finally thought I belonged, I found out very quickly that I was wrong
Always walking around feeling like I'm here by mistake like my dad told me
Sometimes I feel that my feelings and sensations are so strange that I can't say them and I can't explain them even if I wanted to
So much loneliness
So much sadness
It's disturbing that I will have to spend the rest of my life with the person I hate the most..
myself.

[Chart]

It's disturbing that I will have to spend the rest of my life with the person I hate the most..
myself.

Rizzo, I agree. But "disturbing" is an understatement. I would say instead "deeply sad".

I want to say that I think 98% of the human population is insane. We humans are a mostly degenerate species.

But I think YOU are one of the exceptions. You more than anyone are deserving of love.

Please break from the people of your past by refusing to treat yourself the way they treated you.

Your past cannot be changed. But your future can be something of your own creation. Without any guides whatsoever, self-love seems an insurmountable feat.

But please believe me when I say with all my heart that I think you are the most deserving of love of all. Please maintain hope. I promise you, with time, and work, and struggle, you will feel differently. I promise it will come.

[woodsgnome]

Not feeling connected -- alien -- started early with me. Undoubtedly this was in reaction to abuses from immediate family and awful 'teachhers' and pompous clergy sorts in religious schools.

That's the obvious downside, from my alien-like perspective. Yet it was in actuality a plus, allowin me to see through the layers of hypocritical, obscene torments of that whole experience. Although envious of those who were loved from the start, I've grown to appreciate my front-row seat in the den on iniquity, so to speak. How or why I found my inner heart was not comfortable with this, to say the least, there''s also an extreme part consisting of shame, anger, and grief that it had to be that way. But, to use an old cliche, I survived. Maybe feeling alien helped?

Then, as pointed out by Chart, there came the point of turning away from the old story. Or, the old life's movie, as some have referenced it. Now I have a mutiplex cinema -- the decrepit one shows the old horrows, but mostly I've learned to avoid that one. Instead, there's the new one, with the ongoing, 'now' films, with new scripts under revision as I write.

I know that can seem unrealistic, but as Chart also hinted, it speaks of the need -- somehow -- to break with the old perpetrators, in mind if not in actuality (though I happily did the latter).

  I could go on, but this story we're talking of is yours, and you ARE in the lobby of your new theatre. May you begin to enjoy the new story more and more each day. We'll be applauding your new being