When A Parent Denies CSA

[Phoebes]

Definitely, Kizzie. Thank you for that reminder. Then to add on, they spread their newly updated version of the story to anyone who will listen, especially people who they have primed before to thing you're crazy.

In my NM's case, I do think she became this way from the way she was raised, but also she had a choice. When I was a child and in the midst of being abused, I would ask why she was doing that and she would angrily say she was just doing what was done to her. When I asked why, if she didn't like that, would she do it to me (logical question for a child, I thought), I got it more for "talking back." She didn't want to do things different, she wanted to take out her  rage on me. A thing.

[Dalloway]

Thank you, Kizzie, that´s something my M did every time she was confronted. I find this behavior really frustrating and I still don´t know how to handle it.

[Desert Flower]

The very very few times I confronted my m that I remember are:
- when I told her something about how I felt about (my inner critic is now telling me: stupid thing to tell her) the SA that had gone on under her roof, she said: but it's over now, isn't it? (invalidation)
- and many years later, when I got angry with her over the phone (very rare occasion), she hung up on me. And then I called her back and started apologizing etc. etc.

[Blueberry]

I find this behavior really frustrating and I still don´t know how to handle it.

This isn't for everybody, but I gave up trying to confront. Mostly I'd confronted about their emotional abuse, and physical abuse from B1 they hadn't protected me from. CSA I confronted about only once and had to dissociate pretty much in order to do so. (I was told about it later second-hand and remembered vaguely, but wouldn't have if I hadn't been told.)

I'm VVVLC with FOO and miles away geographically so that's easier than some people have it.

On here we believe you and support you.