Safe + Simple Exposure Therapy Ideas

[Denverite]

I have another idea I wanted to share with people here. One of the hardest things about C-PTSD is finding places to practice our skills outside of a therapist's office. As children, we learn by making a thousand mistakes while we're still too innocent to be embarrassed by our failures. As adults, it's so much harder since even a single failure can be painful or even re-traumatizing.

If you're intensely anxious around people, how do you practice when failing leads to avoidance? I've discovered that volunteering is a near-perfect way to get safe exposure around people! I volunteer at my local homeless shelter for the following reasons:

- I can sign up on a whim and not be committed to specific days or weeks at a time.
- Each time I go, I remind myself that I can stop going if it ever becomes too much to handle.
- Each time I go, I remind myself that I can walk away and never come back if something scary happens.
- It's less than 2 hours of exposure time.
- The people who volunteer for each shift are different; even if I say or do something awkward I will likely never see that person again. Plus there are multiple facilities so I can just go somewhere else if I feel threatened.
- It's busy and there's next to no time for conversation. I can simply focus on cleaning, serving, cooking, or whatever. Letting my mind and body get used to being near other people without pressure.
- Even though its busy people still converse some, make eye contact, ask for help, etc; perfect practice.
- It's a good deed and it counteracts the hateful critic my parents installed in me.
- It's free!

I've been volunteering at my local homeless shelters for 7 months. When I first started, I was hypervigilant and tense the entire time. I mostly just silently served and then skipped out as fast as I could. Now I can actually look at people in the eyes and serve with few triggering moments. And even when I do get triggered I'm grounded enough that I can skillfully work with my feelings. It's definitely working and getting me excited for the future.

Low-key, low-pressure, high-frequency encounters. Exposure therapy ideas like work, social clubs, parties, etc, often fail because there is too much importance placed in our minds on the encounter. Failing to meet our imagined ideals hurts too much so we don't stick to it. Plus if you're relationship-phobic, as C-PTSD victims usually are, the idea of people remembering you doing something awkward ensures you'll never return. So instead, try an activity where you can show up with little investment, engage in a limited way, and then leave with as little pressure as possible. And then come back and do it again. And again!

Curious about people's thoughts + other safe exposure therapy ideas. Taking your dog to the dog park seems like another one. Walking in the park and finding a single stranger to converse with. Going to the gym and quietly working out if you're scared of being around people (this used to be hard for me but not anymore). Other thoughts?

[dollyvee]

Hi Denverite,

Given what you shared on another thread, I can't imagine how immensely triggering it must be for you to volunteer in a homeless shelter. I'm glad you're able to find some space to process what comes up for you and to find it a helpful part of your healing process.

Honestly, I like and both dislike having lived in a big city for exposure to people. Being one of many, I find that relationships and interpersonal reactions can be transactional and lack empathy as almost everyone seems too self-preoccupied. However, there are moments in shops, buses, or doing certain things when you can find that bit of confidence in dealing with people (as long as it doesn't become too overwhelming). I guess the downside would be staying in superficial mode where it's very easy to be and doesn't force some of the deeper relational issues that I think I need to work on.

After listening to Patrick Teahan's youtube video on what kind of trauma personality are you? (I'll have to look up the exact title if anyone wants it), I find his describtion of group work interesting in that it can give you feedback on maybe your "blindspots" in how one comes across. I remember my first t mentioning it, and was horrified by the idea, but nowI think I'm ready for that.

Sending you support,
dolly

[NarcKiddo]

I'm quite lucky in that I have been a member of my gym for a very long time and it has a bit of a social scene with a decent cafe etc. People tend to be quite chatty in the locker room. In the past I simply avoided contact, which is easy enough. But more recently I have tried engaging with people a bit or joining in the conversations more. It has worked well because there is no particular pressure. The nature of the locker room means that you can always find something to be rushing off to if you don't want to talk. It has suited me well. Then I had an enforced absence due to my pneumonia. What was very sweet was how they clubbed together to sign a get well card, and since going back people have been expressing happiness to see me and asking me how I am. Which I have been dealing with quite comfortably. It feels like good progress.

[Chart]

I'm sure this is why I moved to France. I get frequent positive attention as an American, but usually don't ever see the people again.

The downside is all the people I DO see on a regularly infrequent basis, like other parents at my kid's school. These folks simply terrify me.

Bizarrely, if I can talk about Cptsd or other deep stuff I feel much more at ease.

[Kizzie]

I really like your idea of "Safe + Simple Exposure Therapy Ideas" Denverite. As a retired Adult Education prof it is what I would call a form of experiential learning (learning by doing rather than listening or talking about something). In this case it's a dip your toe in, take your toe out approach to trying out being more comfortable socially (or whatever).

It has worked for me since starting OOTS 10 years ago. Even making a post on the forum way back then was difficult. I'd go over and over it and then when it was perfect I'd post it. Now I just post what's in my heart.

I've also moved on to talking to members as part of an OOTS book Zoom group and an OOTS support Zoom group and am so comfortable now. I've dipped my toe into doing that and found out, "Hey that's actually quite nice!"

Anyway, experiential learning is really effective because it involves the whole of the person. Doing it a bit at a time let's us learn that something is actually safe, we can feel that it is rather than intellectualize about it.

It's a good direction for therapy to head although I'm not certain it's part of their education and training programs.