Edit: Did anyone else grow up super close with the person who traumatized them?

[Kizzie]

I absolutely felt the guilt too but I knew that was partly because I am a good, decent person and feel badly if I don't look out for others, and because I had been so well trained via fear, obligation and guilt (FOG).

It was a struggle but whenever I would feel the guilt I would remind myself "I am a good person" and "That is the FOG speaking and I need to chase that out of my mind and heart now so I can have a life." 

I'm so glad you have some space now. I could not relax when my M would come to stay and there's a reason for that. It's why we develop hypervigilance. 

[Chart]

Ah, that's what FOG means! I've wondered for awhile now.

That is the FOG speaking and I need to chase that out of my mind and heart now so I can have a life.

That's a powerful message for me, thank you Kizzie.

[Kizzie]

  It takes practice and patience but it does override the other message in the long run or so I found.

[Lakelynn]

I want to add a huge thank you for Kizzie and Desert Flower for bringing the Capacity to Give Up On People video into present day.

Sure, I know all the reasons in my head, but allowing them to enter my heart is another matter.

[Kizzie]

Yes that's a really good one I agree Lakelynn. Here's the link again for those who may have missed it earlier in this thread - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDKOY0ZTDPI.  It really explains why we as children could not/would not give up on our abusive parents even into adulthood often. This video just makes it so clear why we should, why we need to do so. It is difficult as you say though LL, as humans we need our families and the loss when we do give up on them is just so great.