Therapy dissociation

[Mael]

I went to therapy today and we had talked about looking at a thing from my early childhood,I couldn't say what,it is just to scary.It caught me by surprise that I felt anger towards my therapist which I have never done before,
I like her and trust her.ive been annoyed with her before but never felt anger .
Then when I went in I didn't feel anything, I could talk about the things that I was thinking but there was no emotion, normally if I think about this I breakdown immediately and pull back.
I'm not sure how to be present with this as it feels like the root of my trauma.

[Papa Coco]

Mael,

As confusing as it sounds to feel these moments of anger at your therapist, and not knowing what to do with the feelings that are starting to come to life in you, I see that as a sign that healing is beginning to happen. We are all healing from events that were so scary we hid them in our bodies and brains. It only stands to reason that as they come back out of hiding, they are still scary and confusing feelings and emotions.  I'm glad to hear that your therapist is taking it slow. Slow is better. Fast would re-traumatize you all over again.

I hope things continue to come up carefully, slowly, and that you begin to feel the benefits of therapy.  I'm glad you are using this forum to check in with others who share your experience of healing from trauma. I hope that you find comfort in the responses you're getting.

It truly does get better with time and effort. It truly does.

[Little2Nothing]

Mael, that resonates with me. There have been many times I have felt anger at my T. I've come to realize the it is not really her I'm angry at but myself, and the circumstances that brought me to her. 

It has gotten better for me. I can see the progress I am making. Though some days are better than others. 

Wishing you the best. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

It caught me by surprise that I felt anger towards my therapist which I have never done before,

I often experience this when I encounter emotional flashbacks. As Little2Nothing described, I don't think it's that we are angry at our Ts necessarily - but angry at the situation, or potentially feeling anger at someone from our past - but it's disguised by our emotional flashback and the only one standing in front of us appears to be the source of the problem, even if they actually aren't. It's something I feel improves as one gets to know their emotional states a little better, and one develops their ability to identify triggers for these emotions. But it does take some time and practice. Wishing you the best with your therapy sessions.

Regards,
Aphotic.