Triggered by Help Lines **TW:SI**

[Phoebes]

So, in the past several years after TSHTF with Nm, going NC, family distancing themselves, a number of traumatizing things simultaneously happening as well, etc..there have been a small number of times I have felt so close that I did call a crisis line, help line, etc. The ones that are always suggested. The ones that are suggested when a star succumbs and people start saying how they had no idea and are so perplexed.

Well, I have to say, when I called, I was expecting some sort of empathic, trained person on the other end. A person that knew how to help, since, after all, when you are feeling so desperate, this is who everyone says to call. It is THE hotline.

The types of interactions I had were more for people who are stable, non-codependent, people who don't take things personally or have abandonment triggers. The first time I called I was put on hold for a long time at first. Then when they did answer, they said "hello." Silence. Like if you had called an acquaintance that didn't realize it was you calling.

They basically start by saying hello. Wait. for you to start the conversation. Then, get straight to the point of giving you the psychology today website and the suggestion of therapy and maybe medication. "Have you tried???..." If you go so far as to ask if they understand  C-PTSD they have no idea what you are talking about. I'm pretty sure I explained this to each person I tried to speak to. Once when I made the comment that I  have been to therapists but most don't know about or understand the dynamic od C-PTSD, the lady got offended and said "Oh, reaallyy??" if a way that made me feel like she would have loved to punch me right in the face.

Anyway, recently, I was feeling super low, but realized the thought of using a hotline to "talk to" someone was off the table for me. I know what they are going to say: find a therapist, get on medication. "Have you ever thought of that??" I'm doing ok right now, and have promised myself I will not go through with something like that. But I do have SI and always have since early teens at times. Just sayin.

[sanmagic7]

i hear ya, phoebes.  a few weeks ago, while my t was on surgery leave, i thought for a minute about calling a helpline, but decided against it.  i had the feeling it would be pointless, just like your experience, and i wasn't in a position to be able to take that.  people here were helpful, tho, and helped me get thru.  i'm still here, thanks to them. 

i'm not saying they don't help some people, cuz i'm sure they help a lot of people.  i just know that my state of mind wouldn't warrant that kind of 'help'.  like anything else, it's not for everyone.  love and hugs

[Kat]

Glad you are doing ok now.  I've had bad experiences with those hotlines myself.  I'm so sorry.  It just adds to the pain and loneliness when there's that lack of understanding and empathy.  Keep coming back here. 

[Phoebes]

Thanks, sanmajic and kat for the validation and understanding. It sucks that y'all have to understand this, too. I am sure they help some people, but there are still plenty of S's going on. To me, making a call like that is a last ditch effort to change my mindset. It's clear there ais a flowchart/script. Out of curiosity, when at first they ask you "are you thinking about doing it now?" I assume if you were to say yes (because why else would you be calling the hotline?) they would tell you to hang up and call 911. Or, what DOES happen? I just always say no because I don't want a cop showing up at my door.

Anyway, I agree that coming here is more helpful. Sometimes I feel like I share too much and rarely help others. I'm just always triggered except for the short times I'm getting better.

[Bach]

Unfortunately, helplines aren't really for traumatised people or people with serious psychological issues, but more for people who either have mostly been okay during their lives and are going through something difficult, or people who have never sought any kind of help before.  There's a texting helpline that I use once in a while when I'm absolutely desperate for some kind of interactive human contact, but I only use it because I know what to expect and am looking just to say something and have it acknowledged in real time by another human being, even though that human being probably won't really understand my pain or know what to say to me.  When I feel that way, texting the helpline will usually serve to remind me of the inner resources I have that I have developed over the years, and make me feel more able to benefit from those and cope on my own.  I don't think I've used it at all since I found this forum, though, because I know that when I post on this forum people who do understand will see it, and somehow that usually does the same thing for me. 

As an aside, what does TSHTF stand for, and what are S's?

[saylor]

...I assume if you were to say yes (because why else would you be calling the hotline?) they would tell you to hang up and call 911. Or, what DOES happen? I just always say no because I don't want a cop showing up at my door.

I suspect they would call 911 if they believed you were in immediate danger of hurting yourself. I think MH professionals (at least in the US) might be required to take some kind of action (but I'm not sure, so take that with a grain of salt—maybe someone who knows more can chime in here). I have read posts on a forum for ppl who discuss their struggles with SI, in which some ppl said they ended up in psych wards for having reached out, and that experience has generally been retraumatizing (not to mention, they ended up with a big fat hospital bill). I have never called a hotline because, for me personally, I believe there'd be more downside than upside. Luckily, this forum has helped me during some of my EFs, so haven't felt a strong need for a hotline.

FWIW, I've had plenty of SI throughout my entire life. Never anything immediately pressing, and never anything I've even attempted to act on—just a general, lifelong wish that I didn't exist (or, much better, had never been born). I've never felt like a hotline would be able to make me want to live, and the experiences you recount just solidifies that for me. How can a stranger take away all the darkness inside me, built up and reinforced by so many decades of ugliness? I guess I don't have any faith at this point. I suspect I'm too damaged. (Sorry, I'm always so negative in my outlook! )

Anyway, I hear you, Phoebes. I don't want you to feel alone in this—taboo topic notwithstanding...

[Kizzie]

Good to know this Phoebes, I haven't ever called a help line - called my GP when I was at my lowest and got the help I needed.

It's what all organizations do - recommend calling a hot line if/when someone is really struggling but I've wondered how useful/helpful they are so appreciate the feedback. I'm not sure what else to recommend but at least it's on our radar here to think/talk about other more relevant/helpful  options.

One option that might be helpful is the CPTSD Foundation's Daily Calls feature - https://cptsdfoundation.org/dailyrecoverysupport/.  There's a cost involved and I haven't used it myself so this is just a suggestion vs a recommendation, but it might be worth checking out.  (If you do please let us know.)

[Kat]

Thanks for your thoughtfulness, Kizzie.  I don't want to bad mouth hotlines because sometimes they're all a person's got, but I've called a couple of times in my life and both times were a disaster--like something from a dark comedy.  (I had to find the humor or I wouldn't have survived.)  Finding an alternative before one needs it is a really good idea.

[brightlight]

I'm just reading all your comments and experiences of phoning helplines and I'm so sorry you have had these experiences. There are quite a lot of hotlines in the UK some of which are directed/trained in trauma or abuse. I have only ever phoned one helpline, one who normally focus on suicidal thoughts but they can be contacted for any emotional distress and I found the lady I spoke to very helpful and understanding. I phoned crying and ended laughing. I still had the same problems and the intensity came back but I felt peace for 2-3 days.

I hope you will be able to access similar helplines or services in the future.

[Hypervigilant]

Im not sure what you mean by a "hotline" and was blown away by so many capitols letters, Newbie plus technophobe, but when I'm at an impasse I phone the Samaritans. What I need more than anything is to be heard. I know there's very little help and no one is gonna catch me but someone giving at the most 30 minutes(can you believe there's a time cutoff) to listen and sympathise and just care for a small moment gives me the oomph I need to get back up and fight another day.
Very few therapists actually get real trauma so there's so little real help from those that understand what we live daily, hourly.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Hate to add on to the negativity pile but I have not had really any good experiences with these hotlines either. They're usually just typical people who have no experience working with vulnerable individuals - or at least it feels like it! They also have 0 knowledge of your history, boundaries, experiences, etc. So easy to be accidentally triggered, or given advice that is completely arbitrary in the context of your own therapy.

I'm pretty sure the only reason it can help is because it's a distraction - you're occupying yourself by holding a phone or at your computer or whatever, instead of taking any harmful actions. So by the time the talk is over, presuming they didn't make the SI worse, then the SI usually dies down just from time alone, letting your emotions calm or settle.

The only thing that really helped me in the past was actually going to the hospital physically and admitting myself to a ward. I know many don't have positive experiences there either but at the very least you have actual doctors there and not randoms on a phone. But nowadays I don't even think I could do that because I live alone with cats and I don't trust anyone would look after them in my absence.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Phoebes]

I will say that on a more recent time (right after my dog died and a few other things were happening), I called them again, expecting not-much, and I got a wonderful person on the other end. He talked to me for a long time. Actually we were texting, because I could not bear to call to long spans of silence and someone repeating back to me what I said.

I think some are trained and maybe even therapist, and Sommer volunteers with a flow chart and are not very trained. Or they don't really make the connection that they are not supposed to just repeat back what they hear, but actually listen and show that they are hearing and understanding the color. Don't know why it's like that. I've had two really good ones and two or three really bad ones over the years.

I do think the main expectation is that it distracts us, like you said aphotic. That it redirects our thinking. It's just presented as the solution in society in a general sense, and it's not the solution, but I do think it can help if you get a good person. I figure if there's a next time and I get a bad person I'll just hang up and call again until I get a good person lol

Hypervigilant, hotline, helpline, etc. Phones used to plug into the wall and hotline described a phone that was being called a lot, making the lines hot. Maybe hotlines and old-school word. lol. All those capital letters stand for when the 💩 hit the fan with my narcissistic mother.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Glad you were able to find someone helpful on the hotline, Phoebes. And apologies that you've had a rough time recently.

Regards,
Aphotic.