Sack counsellor?

[Secondchance]

I have just started with Talking Therapies, but this latest 3rd session has made me wonder whether to continue. I had a bad spot a few days before the session, as it came to my mind after reading on narcissistic family scapegoat abuse, that I had been showing slight narc traits towards my children regarding golden child/scapegoat roles. It really threw me for a few days thinking how much I have harmed them, till I remembered reading a while since, that living with a narc can 'rub off' on you a bit.

Looking at many other things, I saw that I was not a narc at all and would not even be in therapy if so. So I told me therapist this and she really had nothing to say and seemed unknowlegable about NPD.

She also has not had cPTSD herself though trauma informed, and it just gave me an insight on how easily one can be harmed in therapy. This session also I felt a bit overwhelmed afterwards by the flood of memories coming back.

So I am wondering whether to end it and would appreciate opinions thanks.

[Secondchance]

Oh and she says 'disassociation.'

[Blueberry]

I'm unsure of my therapist atm too. I wish somebody could make that decision for me, but I also know that no one can. I'm torn between discussing it with her in the next session or saying - let's work on a particular topic chosen by me, trauma therapy please! So no suggestions of how I should/could act differently. And see what she comes up with. Giving her a test so to speak. (But I have also discussed some stuff with her before.)

I have a lot of therapy under my belt and it would not be the first time I tell a T where to get off. I'm no longer frightened of not having a therapist, of going back on a waiting list etc.

As to your question: yes, a therapist wrong for you can do harm. Been there, got the t-shirt. Or in my case this time around I think it might end up just being rather a waste of time and money, even tho it's mostly not my money.

I have had good trauma therapists who afaik were not particularly traumatised. I say 'not particularly' because it's possible that almost everybody in the country I live in suffers generational, historical trauma. But I do think they need to be aware and they need to have worked through their own stuff. Confusing 'disassociation' and 'dissociation' is a bit of a red flag.

I wonder in your case how easy it is for you to get another counsellor? And how soon? Do you think it's worth trying to discuss with your present counsellor? You don't need to answer for me - just things for you to consider.

I wonder if you are in an English-speaking country? Again, you don't have to answer. I am not. NPD is not something that is discussed so much in my country, it's not such a big topic as it is here on the forum or elsewhere on the Internet. So for me, lack of knowledge of NPD or maybe even silence on the topic is not a huge red flag, but again it depends where you live. Scapegoatism and the fear of passing your own stuff onto children are both known here though.

[Secondchance]

Thanks so much Blueberry. I had not really got around to posting much here so am feeling a bit alone. This counselling is on the NHS (UK) so is free. I would have to wait again if I wanted another one. It is stupid - I have been on the waiting list since February.

I am not so worried about being T free after the reading I have done, like you. My option after this is paying for it.

I did have a one I liked, also on NHS, but when she heard my story she said she was just a trainee so did not feel able to handle my complicated life story. She was intelligent but his one isn't and I was told to look for the intelligent ones. Thanks again.