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[Heartbroken]

Hello. I joined this forum because I was involved with a CPTSD sufferer. He recently told me we were through, but he still texts every 2-3 to tell me he's still alive. This is because he sent me a suicide text about 6 months ago. When he broke it off, I sent a long email telling him everything I felt, but that I wouldn't get in touch with him anymore. I said I have no way to know if he's alive and I hoped to hear from him. So this is what he does. Sigh. I have no idea what goes on in his head, but I'm devastated.

[Kizzie]

Hi Heartbroken and welcome to OOTS    I'm sorry to hear that you went through a breakup, they are tough and especially when someone threatens to commit suicide and then doesn't respect your boundaries. 

Are you responding to his texts letting you know he is alive? If so you may want to consider not doing so so that he will get the message that it's really over, and if not perhaps you can block him. 

It actually sounds like he may have a personality disorder (PD) rather than CPTSD so you might also want to have a look at our sister site Out of the Fog and read up on PDs there. FOG stand for using fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate others which sounds like what he is doing. The site is here - http://outofthefog.net/forum/.  PD behaviour can definitely be very devastating and is the reason many of us here developed CPTSD so it may help to be able to talk to others there or here who have gone through similar experiences. 

[Heartbroken]

He's in therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. Six months ago I got the suicide text, it was in March that he ended it. I wrote the email to tell him why I deleted him on Facebook ( I cant watch him acting fine, it makes me question what's real) I also told him how much I cared for him. I wanted to make sure he knew it was his decision to end it. I wanted him to know he's responsible for it. I'm not going to let him use me as an excuse.

Yes, I have been responding to his occasional texts, I'm the one that asked he keep in touch. I don't know what else I should do. I don't knwo how to deal with that type of depression. But when I see him post on Facebook he looks so happy and flirty and I don't know what to believe.

[Kizzie]

Oh I see HB, sorry I didn't quite get what you were saying. I can say that many of us with CPTSD keep our pain hidden so it may be that while he is having emotional difficulties, he is trying to keep a facade going in his daily life and on Facebook.

[Heartbroken]

Yes Kizzie that's what he told me, but I got jealous. He was talking to other women, some I knew were just friends. But it hurt because he hadn't spoken to me since before Christmas. I was so confused. He was so depressed and suicidal but acting happy and flirting. He was hospitalized in Feb but signed himself out. He was keeping in touch through texting. When he finally ended it in March he said he never wanted a relationship. I know he did, I have all the texts saved to prove it.

There's more. We dated years ago when we were young. When we reconnected he was separated from his wife for 2 years, I was also seperated. His ex moved out of his state around the time I got the suicide text and the divorce is being finalized. He hadn't told me any of that until the day he ended it. I don't know what to do or think. When we were young he lived here where I do. He moved away not long after the last time he came to see me. He and I had been on and off again. He went a whole year without any contact and then showed up on my doorstep. That was in out 20. He moved Pinot state after that. I lost contact but never forgot him. I found him about 9 years ago on Facebook and we've been chartkng ever since. We talked about us a little but a few years ago he started talking a lot about us. Then he told me he was divorcing. It was after that I emailed him about us and what happended. After that it went well and he came only really strong. Checked in constantly, always told me what he was doing, where he was going etc. That was for a few months. Then suddenly he changed, I thought it was a game and tried to break it off. He got all defensive and freaked out and started saying things that didn't make sense. A few days later he told me was really going on.

Now he's gone and I don't know how to think or feel.

[Kizzie]

I'm not quite sure what to say Heartbroken other than I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with this breakup and I hope that you will heal with time.  There may not be any real way to understand what he was/is thinking because he is having problems and you are not together anymore, but you can look after you.  Be kind and patient with yourself 

[Heartbroken]

Thank you Kizzie, I know that. I just dont have anyone to talk to. This is no ordinary break up and I have no close friends. I figured at least on here there'd be people who understand cptsd. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posts. Thanks again.

[Kizzie]

We do have a forum  CPTSD and Others that you may want to try posting in as we do have a few members - one in particular Bluevermonter who has also been through a difficult breakup with someone who has CPTSD. You may want to try a post there and see if he or other members can offer you some insight and support.