Protect myself or put myself out there?

[Desert Flower]

Something Kizzie wrote in a response to Rainy (thank you both) reminded me of something that has been on my mind. Kizzie wrote:
"We have to be careful and manage our CPTSD so imo the question to ask would be "Will this strengthen me or would it set me back to tackle this?"

Many experts I read say that we should not avoid activities that make us anxious, because avoidance will increase anxiety. And I know from experience in the past that my fear of driving increased as a result of driving less and less up to a point where I didn't drive at all. And when at some point, I did start driving again, my fear of driving lessened considerably, up to a point where I even like driving at times. Just as an example.

But part of me feels so sorry for myself for having put myself in soooo many situations in the past where I was actually terrified, but I felt I had to do them 'like everybody else', and I didn't allow myself to feel any of it and these things still scare me. And now, I just don't want to do them anymore. Or rather, now I am feeling the terror of these events and I wanna avoid feeling that. Like, avoiding the triggers. And also I learned that it's important to start from a safe place and 'titrate' into these feelings, to avoid being overwhelmed. So that's the way I would wanna go I suppose. Like I didn't wanna be in the workplace any more feeling overwhelmed most of the time, so I arranged for a safe spot that's reserved for me at the office now. So I feel better. Or is this just avoidance?

Anyone have any ideas, suggestions?

[Chart]

DF, Thankyou for this topic, I've thought along the same lines and had similar "doubts" for a long time. Here's what I've personally worked out. I believe we absolutely have to add "time" into our calculations regarding pushing ourselves to do something or pulling back. The question should be, "Am I ready 'now' to do this thing that potentially scares me?" Or the reverse, "At this point in my healing I feel I 'need' my own workspace."

By adding time it becomes transitional and can subsequently change in the future. And in both directions. But even "backsliding" isn't automatically "negative", it's just where we're at at that point in time. Some days I'm just not terribly strong and courageous. Other periods of my life, yes I wasn't so afraid. Carolyn Spring talks about this in one of her podcasts. She uses the phrase "yet". Like to, "I'm not fully confident in my position YET. This allows for awareness and future change, AND it avoids negative critical judgement.

I'm a firm believer that 100% of judgements are false. Nothing is ever just black and white. Judgements too often lock us in to something. I find it far easier to not go to extremes in most everything, especially my own self perception of what I am or am not capable of doing... yet.

[Desert Flower]

Thank you Chart, yes, those are helpful comments. I tend to see things black or white too. But I like adding this time perspective And it should be a balance somehow. A little of this, a little of that maybe.

[Dalloway]

Desert Flower, thanks for this topic. I´ve also been wondering about these trauma based boundaries and how far or strong should we push them and I also think that -- for me -- it´s better not to push them too hard. I don´t really have an explanation for it, but if I try to picture a potentially triggering situation and I feel totally uncomfortable imagining doing it and that thing is avoidable, I try to listen to my gut feelings and not do it. Maybe this avoidance is not good in a long term, I don´t know. But if I have to choose between doing something out of obligation to overcome my fears and feel very stressed because of it / or not doing it and feeling comfortable and safe, I´m gonna choose the latter. That´s just my perception of it at this moment.