Morning and fear

[Chart]

Just wanted to come back and express a little. My morning fear is just hanging in there like always. I was a triggered a little last night and noticed it's worse than usual this morning...
I wish this would go away... I really do... 

[dollyvee]

Hey Chart,

I wonder if perhaps there are phsysiological factors which might be happening here and going back to the discussions around coritsol? Sometimes when we eat certain things, it can raise cortisol because of inflammation. Generally because there is gut dysbiosis present and/or/maybe another underlying root cause, which is causing sensitivities to certain foods. So, increased inflammation, increased cortisol. The other may have to do with alcohol, at least I think in my case it was also causing some inflammation.

Either way, I hope you get some relief.
dolly

[Cascade]

Hi Chart,
Thanks for coming back to express yourself.  I'm so sorry to hear about last night's trigger and then this morning's fear being worse.

You're usually very good about comforting your scared self and listening for new realizations.  I hope the day has brought some relief and a little peace for you.  My own morning fear is still there, too, and sometimes morphs into bold-faced shame.  I still struggle to get out of bed every day.  It's certainly no fun.

We're here... hangin' right in there with ya!

   -Cascade
   

[Chart]

Yes, thankyou both, Dollyvee and Cascade. The idea of Cortisol has been on my mind too. Not sure how to test, but I'm pretty "off" everything, drugs, alcohol, red meat... except for sugar. That's the only thing that could be an inflammatory factor. And my refined sugar intake is not too extreme. For me, this continuing morning Fear is a big indicator of in-utero constant stress and terrifying environment. I want to write more but I'm exhausted.

Cascade, I really identify with not wanting to get out of bed. You mention Shame... I need to test for that.

Just drove 600 km to show my daughter the Mont Blanc. Need to sleep... sucks when you have so much more you want to say and think about...

[AphoticAtramentous]

I always struggled with mornings, I always woke up with fear, and a very deep sadness about being alive, I used to have horrible nausea in my 20's.. before school and work. It did get better with time and therapy. Unfortunately it never went away, there are less bad days, yet it feels as if I am going to be dragged into *..

Oh I also get morning nausea. It seems to come and go but when it's there, it feels awful. Can't eat anything, the sight or smell of food makes me ill...
I've been having my own fair share of anxious mornings. Felt especially bad this morning, felt weak and shaky in my legs as if I was learning how to walk again. Makes it incredibly hard to motivate myself for the day when I'm already feeling defeated. Don't really have any advice though sorry, still trying to work this stuff out myself.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[dollyvee]

Hey Chart,

No worries, I get that. I don't want it to seem like I was trying to take away from the emotional/trauma side of things. Just that sometimes they can go hand in hand and creates a sort of negative feedback loop. I think doing all this physical stuff as well over the last 10 years has helped a lot and I do notice a change in the way I wake up in the morning, but that's just my experience.

For example, constant conditions of high stress (ie trauma and ACEs) elevate cortisol and alter the conditions of the digestive tract. However, once that occurs, there is more stress on the body through this inflammation ie gut dysbiosis creates inflammation which can then create intestinal permeability, which can then lead to autoimmune reactions (ie Hashimoto's Thyroiditis), which then creates further systemic inflammation, impacting cortisol levels even further, but essentially the gut-brain access is a two way street.

This is kind of a summary if you're interested. https://clasado.com/can-gut-bacteria-influence-stress-levels/

I think those culprits are good (alcohol, sugar), but I would also add gluten and dairy. Gluten was a huge one for me and I didn't even know I an issue with it until I did a 30 day elimination diet and then reacted very strongly (joint pain) when I added it back in. I noticed that afterwards when I would accidentally get "glutened," it would wholly change my mood for the entire day (very dark and negative), and as well has create anxiety (real lack of mental focus), and alter my sleep. This came from tracking what I was eating and my internal state for a long time, recognizing when I felt "better" and then when things were off and why they might be off ie is this emotional, or something else? It's not a foolproof system, but can gauge when I think something I've eaten or taken has mayne affected me. Sometimes I have no idea why I'm feeling a certain way, and then I'll be like oh yeah, I ate that dessert and I wonder if there was something in it. This frees me up I think to better handle the emotional stuff when it does come up.

Driving 600km does sound exhausting. I hope you were able to find some space with your night time triggers as well.

Sending you support,
dolly

[WeAreAllAPartOfUniverse]

Shankara,
I read and saw online some studies about sugar and anxiety and about bloud sugar and anxiety. Basically when I have times don´t eat sugar at all, and then eat like a whole Ben & Jerries in the evening, I see the difference the next morning and my anxiety is much stronger. Also there are studies and good input from "the Glucose Goddess", about lowering the blood sugar curve, and what positive effects it has on your health and anxiety. Here too, I see it the next morning, if I did apply it or not.
My morning anxiety does not going away, but it is definately supportive to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdTYFUnZDsU
Maybe thhis helps someone.