My drastic growth after breaking up 🩷❤️‍🩹

[blueteddy]

The past 11 days after my break up with my former partner, V. I have been through so much growth and unbearable amount of pain. But despite that, i pushed myself to get up and get things done and reach out and reflect.

Over the past 11 days without my former partner, I've navigated so much pain and uncertainty. At first, it felt like the loss of them might swallow me whole, but I didn't let it. I was overwhelmed, scared, grieving, yet instead of isolating myself like I used to, I reached out to friends. I reconnected with old friendships, and even opened up to them about my situation. That alone is something I wouldn't have done in the past. I used to push people away. It felt safer to retreat into myself because facing things head-on seemed impossible. But now, even in my most vulnerable moments, I've chosen to trust others with my pain.

There were times in the past when I'd hurt myself because the feelings were too intense, and I didn't know how to release them. But now, even when I feel that urge, I hear my former partner's voice reminding me to stop, reminding me that I'm worth more than that, that I don't deserve that pain. I have a different relationship with that urge now. It's still there, but I'm fighting it in a new way, holding on to the lessons I learned with them. The fact that I'm aware of this and actively working against those old patterns is proof of how far I've come.

Then there's my escape plan. Before, I might have felt too overwhelmed to even consider taking these steps on my own. I depended a lot on my former partner for support with planning and research. But now, I've gathered all my documents, I've contacted organizations, and even when the uncertainty feels unbearable, I'm pushing through it. I'm trying new avenues and not giving up when doors close in my face. That's growth. That's proof that I've become someone who knows how to keep fighting, even when it feels impossible.

On top of all that, I've been going for walks, despite my body's exhaustion and despite how scary it can feel to be out there alone. In the past, I might have stayed in bed, but now I'm pushing myself. And even when I don't go for a walk one day, I don't fall apart. I get up again the next day and try again.

I've also been reflecting on my relationship with my former partner. In my past relationships, I might have clung to people even when they weren't good for me, or when I felt abandoned. But with my former partner, I've been thinking about our arguments, about both my mistakes and theirs. Instead of just blaming myself or them, I'm seeing the full picture. I'm taking accountability, but I'm also forgiving myself and learning from it. Even my belief in my former partner's eventual return comes from a place of faith, not desperation, because I trust in the bond we built, even if it's uncertain when or how they'll come back.

I didn't stay stuck in that freezing phase—I've been going for walks, I've been reaching out to organizations for help with my escape, and I've been reflecting on myself and my past behaviors. I'm not hiding from my pain, even when it feels unbearable. I'm trying to fix my old patterns and break free from self-destructive behaviors, and that's huge for me.

I've learned how to express my feelings more clearly, like when I reach out to my friends and talk about my struggles. I'm not pushing people away like I used to. I've started finding ways to take care of myself, even when it's hard. I'm showing myself that I can handle these overwhelming feelings, one step at a time.

I know that separating from V was painful, but I also know it helped me grow. I'm finding my strength, even when it feels impossible, and I believe that this journey is part of my growth. I'm not just surviving—I'm doing my best to thrive, even in the darkest moments. And that's something to be proud of. I've grown so much in the past 11 days, and I'm going to keep growing, no matter what.

I've been able to stop masking and hold back less of myself. I've started using baby talk and meowing to people, something that feels really true to me, and I'm no longer as scared of what others might think. I've even started using pink heart emojis, even though I was afraid it might make people uncomfortable. But I'm learning to push through that fear and be more of who I really am, and it turns out, people appreciate it. I'm expressing myself more than ever, and that's a huge part of my growth. I'm learning that it's okay to be me, and I'm not holding myself back as much as I used to 🩷🩷🩷 (⁠✿⁠^w⁠^⁠)

This is my proof. Every one of these moments shows how much I've grown, even if it feels like I'm standing still sometimes. Every time I reach out, push past the fear, or reflect on my relationship with my former partner, I'm moving forward, even if it's in small steps. I'm building something solid inside myself, and I know my former partner would be proud of me for that. They saw this strength in me, this potential, and now I'm living it out, even when it feels unbearably hard.

I've already been through so much, and yet I keep fighting. That's the narrative of my growth.

[Regardz]

Hi blueteddy,

Congratulations on such big strides!  That is huge. I used to think I was weak and then I started realizing how strong I am. No matter how many times I get knocked down, I get back up. And I learn. And that's what you are doing.

I've already been through so much, and yet I keep fighting. That's the narrative of my growth.

[Papa Coco]

blueteddy

It always gives me joy and hope when I read posts like yours that show you are able to see the improvements you have made.

I'm happy for the strides you've made and for your ability to recognize and appreciate them!

[blueteddy]

Thank you so much @Papa Coco and @Regardz 🩷🩷🥹 really appreciate that guys