Hidden emotional abuse

Stussy7 · February 12, 2025, 05:10:22 AM

Hi everyone!

It's nice to be among people who understand trauma.

If I was to say I was physically or sexually abused, people would feel sorry for me. I hate that emotional abuse is misunderstood and viewed as 'not as bad' as any other type of abuse.

I grew up with a father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissistic abuse has ruined my life. I am so alone. My father has convinced my family that I'm crazy and HE is the victim. At a time I need support the most, he is ruining my reputation and turning my family against me.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Or does anyone else feel frustrated and alone and that no-one understands what they're going through?

NarcKiddo · February 12, 2025, 10:44:00 AM

Hello, and welcome. I find one of the problems with emotional abuse is that it is hidden as well as misunderstood. For the longest time I would not even have recognised my treatment as abuse in any shape or form. I did not know I needed help, and even if I had realised I would have had no idea who to ask because my family appeared so normal and upstanding. Dealing with narcs is particularly problematic because they are adept at getting others to side with them and they can make you doubt your own reality.

Kizzie · February 12, 2025, 06:00:47 PM

Stussy, I think narcissism is becoming better understood thankfully. If you Google it you'll get tons of links. Most importantly I feel like I understand that I was emotionally abused and it's so important that I get it. For the longest time I didn't.

Like your F my M was an N and convinced people it was me and not her as she played the "good mother" really well and people believed her. I left them all behind as I did not want to try and convince anyone she was an N, too much work and not worth it.

I'm happy to talk about it here though because everyone really does get how bad emotional abuse is, how much N's are soul crushing. The fact that we have CPTSD speaks to that. I don't feel like I need to convince anyone else that I was abused by an N anymore and that's quite freeing.

Stussy7 · February 13, 2025, 02:14:05 AM

Thank you for your replies!

Trust me I completely understand how a narcissist thinks, acts, and their tactics. That's not the problem.
I have plenty of knowledge about narcissists and cptsd, but what I lack is someone who can empathise with me, and truly understand what I am going through.

I plan on cutting out my family when I'm ready. But I feel like I am already mourning their loss. And it hurts so bad! And as if my dad hasn't screwed me up enough...now he is taking my family away from me. I have so much anger towards him I want to explode.

Kizzie · February 13, 2025, 05:08:14 PM

Well, there are lots of us here and lots at our sister site Out of the FOG who get it. Even if it's not someone you can talk to face-to-face you can get a lot of support and understanding on these two sites. Out of the FOG - https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?/

Papa Coco · February 17, 2025, 01:07:32 AM

Stussy,

I want to extend a very warm welcome to the forum.

To your question, yes. My story is too triggering for me to tell right now. But I can say that the smear campaigns by one of my own siblings destroyed me. I chose Full No Contact with the entire family in order to save myself.

I hope this forum gives you the support you need to deal with what your father is doing. It's happened to quite a few of the members here. My story might be one of the more gruesome, but it definitely proved to me that the damage that's done by covert coercion is as bad, or worse, than the damage done by the abuse that leave scars. People don't believe us when we try to tell them what's being done to us. No scars, no proof, no allies...no abuse. Right?

I used to say "I wish they'd hit me. At least I'd have proof."

But here, on the forum, we have allies. Lots of allies who know the damage done by these narcissistic lying, gossiping, controlling monsters. we can see each other's scars even if the outside world can't. The empathy here brings healing, even when the scars are invisible.

WabiSabi · February 17, 2025, 11:32:57 AM

Hey Stussy 7

You are not alone!

It's a really painful situation, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I understand your anger. I had almost no one but played the long game by turning up consistently as a grounded, drama-free person. I didn't need to defend myself with words, just by being consistent with my actions.

When fabricated stories came my way from my NM, I didn't react but took control of the narrative by being concerned. 'Wow, I can't believe they would say that, I hope they're doing OK?'

I struggled not to appear the victim, especially to N. It was extremely lonely, it took years, but I am now having the pleasure of watching family slowly distance and going NC with NM.

By not being their source of drama, my NM's fresh crusades have cost her validity, and even brought me closer to family members who have since become targets.

I'm sure not all narcissists are made alike. This was just my experience. With or without family support, I hope things get better for you

Chart · February 17, 2025, 12:04:12 PM

Welcome Stussy 7. I'm very sorry to hear you are struggling. It is so very difficult faced with a world around you (family) that are behaving in such an insne fashion. I find WabiSabi's comment very interesting. There are indeed many ways to counter narcissistic abuse. Never easy though. I too have cut (low contact) from my family, but have found certain changes in other family members coming around in a more positive perception over time. But ultimately, yes, you are in a seriously difficult situation and I empathize immensely. Sending hugs if that's ok.