Hello! Trigger warning- mention of SA/grooming, parentification, etc

[laurrrr]

Hi!

I'm so glad I found this group, I've been in therapy for about six months now and am in the process of facing my CPTSD head on 😅 this is probably too long/detailed, sorry!

I was adopted into a family as a baby that tormented myself and my adopted siblings until the day I moved out. I was physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, and psychologically abused by both parents (and eventually my brother) for years. We were "homeschooled" to conceal abuse, and I taught and raised myself and my siblings until middle school. My father groomed me to be his "partner" and SA'd me until I hit puberty. I was SA'd by several men in my life during my childhood, creating a warped sense of my view on relationships with men.

I then moved out and met a man who was an abusive alcoholic, and I stayed for four years, isolated from any friends and was subjected to physical and sexual abuse. I fought for my life to eventually get out, and moved across the country to start over, and ended up coming out shortly after.

Now, I have panic attacks and visual, auditory, and emotional flashbacks often. My therapist is amazing, and I'm doing EMDR to help process things.  I'm in the first safe environment of my life and finding out how to do simple things like have a hobby or sleep through the night.

I met my girlfriend in my new town, and although she is incredible and understanding, I feel alone in my day to day struggles since it's hard to explain the ups and downs and disassociation. I feel frustrated that I'm still dealing with the impact of my childhood/abuse (although having grace is something im working on) I'm hoping to find some community and maybe feel less alone with this!
 Thanks for having me

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I'm sorry to read of your terrible past traumas but happy that you are now in a safe place, have a caring partner and are getting therapy. It's a long road to healing but at least you have started. Good for you.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Laurrr 

I am truly sorry for all that you have gone through and are still dealing with. CPTSD is such a beast but being here can help with that or so many people find.  It's a relief finding others who have similar lived experience, who understand and can offer suggestions and comfort. I hope you too find it helpful!

 

[Chart]

Hello and welcome to the Forum Laurrrr. Glad you found us. I think this place can help, it certainly has helped me. So very sorry to hear your intense history of abuse.